Mud's February Member Spotlight

This month's member spotlight- Hitman!

Fresh off his Club Sub lifetime Acheivement Award, Hitman is blazing a PR trail throughout the greater RI area. His inventive use of Club Sub logos and slogans (which are obvious copyright infringements, if anyone cares) are doing much to publicize the organization. His creative schemes (the most recent of which invlove DJing with Fic at low-rent white trash weddings at the f'n VFW post under the Club Sub banner) continue to spread the Club Sub word, albeit to undesirables. The last thing we need is a bunch of guys with mullets & sweatpants who drive Camaros, like Yacht Club beverages and Budweiser, follow NASCAR, wear cut-off sweatshirts, and sport fanny-pouches. However, the t-shirts were a nice touch.

3 questions with Hitman:
Q: How do you feel about the Lifetime Acheivement Award?
A: It's an honor for me. YOU can go to Hell.
Q: How's the DJ business?
A: Blow it out your ass.
Q. Would you like to make a long-distance dedication?
A: What the Hell are you talking about? What's wrong with you?

State of The Sub: Presidential Address

Welcome everyone, to this momentous occasion, our 19th year reunion. Tonight we’re going to take a look at our past, our present and our future.

First, a look back, a lot has changed since 1989; both in the world and at Club Sub, here are a few examples:

In the real world, The Berlin Wall actually fell
In Club Sub, The Hitman actually got a job where he can’t wear shorts to work every day.

The US faced an increased risk of terrorism during this period.
Club Sub was ahead of this trend as Kevin Badway has consistently been denied membership

In the real world, the US had a disputed Presidential election,
Club Sub avoided any such controversy; very simply- we have no elections

The US searched in vain for Weapons of Mass Destruction
Club Sub wives searched in vain for their husbands receding hairlines

The Internet took over the world economy.
In 2005 The Schemer got a cell phone

The US Govt. was rocked by the OJ Simpson case
Club Sub for years has been rocked by cases of Miller Lite.

The US faced a major education crisis fueled in part by poor teaching.
Club Sub graduated a large number of future teachers

Hurricane Katrina and the 89 earthquake devastated the cities of New Orleans and San Francisco
Hurricane Cyrus and Hurricane George Bailey devastated DaPrez’ and Fic’s households.

Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire nearly faced a lifetime ban for steroid use.
Glen Underwood………faced a lifetime ban from Club Sub for purchasing… a Girl Car.
The US army introduced the don’t ask don’t tell policy
The Ward’s introduced the don’t ask or I’ll keep telling you policy



Now to Club Sub present, I’d like to bestow some recognition and awards on some deserving and not so deserving members.

First, I’d like to say a few words about our newest member. He’s known for skanking around, for always arriving with McDonalds, for bluffing his chips in poker, and for following on the career path of The Hitman. Those by the way are his good traits. Please give a Club Sub Welcome for Big Sloppy.

Next, I’d like to remember the following members who could not be here tonight…because we didn’t invite them… please pour a little out for the following homey’s: Ron Cap, Paul S., Rich Raz, Lama that did yo mama, Antonio L., PJ W.

I also have some disturbing news, for the first time in this administration I have used my Presidential powers to revoke a membership. Apparently the former Vice President has falling under the influence of a cult. The artist formerly know as Savior is now known as Y-Pac, Some of you knew him as the Flying Hawaiian however I have discovered that he is not and never was Hawaiian, and you know how we feel about Hawaiians. So as of this moment, sadly I regret to say Frank A. is no longer affiliated with this organization.

I’d also like to congratulate the newest members into the Club Sub family. Congratulations to the Fic’s, Crooks, Claps, Wards, and Reil’s on their beautiful children

Now I’d like to induct an honorary member to Club Sub. He’s best known for sitting on woopie cushions, destroying the national anthem, and being the one good thing that ever came out of Canada, Leslie Nielson.

And last, a special moment tonight, our lifetime achievement award. There were very few deserving candidates for this award, given that we are all underachievers. But this person has brought a lot to the table. (…and has taken a lot off of it)

First, without this man’s connections very few of us would have ever gotten married in an actual church.
Second, this man is the creator of the very mugs you’re drink from tonight.
Third he along with Fic, are the founders of our newest business venture Club sub sound which has brought us entertainment for years. Btw, where are the royalties Fic?
And fourth, who can forget the parties, events and general social misbehavior that he has brought to the table.

Ladies and gentleman our lifetime achievement award goes to: Dave V., I mean The Hitman.


I’d lastly like to thank all of you for gathering tonight to celebrate Club Sub’s very existence. I’d also like to Frank White and Schemer, my writing staff, for this insanely brilliant speech.


Now as we look forward to the future of Club Sub, what do I see? Our future will rest on 5 basic principles:

We hope to continue to waste time on fantasy sports leagues and poker
We hope to continue to embellish our past stories
We hope to continue to fight the war on terror and the war on steroids, by continuing to ban Kevin Badway and Glen Underwood
Fourth, you will all continue to pledge your allegiance to me, your President, no matter how fool hearty my plans may be.
And finally, we renew our commitment to meet on a recurring basis of every 19 years, see you in 2026!

Thank you.

Reminder of Feb 10th Club Sub Reunion Bash

Fellow members get in touch with me ASAP