June 2007
The end of a Club Sub Era is upon us. The Club Sub favorite watering hole has closed filing chapter 7 which apparently is worst than the chapter 11 it filed years ago. Club Sub for years raped and pillaged this establishment so bad it would make the Huns blush. Many memebers have fond memories of the Big Orange. I myself can recall several fond memories/incidents such as:
1) The Hitman stealthly stealing Leslie Neilson's picture off the wall, that pic is now the award for the "Club Sub Poker Tourney" and is currently held by and proudly displayed at Fic's house.
2) Who could forget the beginning of Trivia night: 3 different cards played...1st, 2nd, & 3rd prize won week after week. Yes, we were in Cahoots with "Newman", yes we did get enough winnings for a drunken trip to Montreal, and yes several rule changes were soon to come.
3) The Alleged arson in the bathroom...Alleged.
4) The weekly grafitti left by Frank White in the bathroom...The Scheemer did what to Tina?
5) Several school holiday meetings
6) Several classic sporting events were watched there
7) Bikini Contests
8) Turkey Bowling
9) Spank Bank Memories for years
10) Frank White developed and perfected the "go to the Tape" move
11) Hitman's Dad taught us how a real man eats a wing
12) Scheemer developed and perfected the "Stalker's Ogle"
13) Ward's talked away more girl's than wings eaten by members.
14) Scheemer yelling, "PAULA!!!!!!!!!"
15) a girl named JADE
16) the cast of characters...Torre, Leslie, crooked face, etc.
Memebers please feel free to post your memories and pour out a little for the Big Orange
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Club Sub Member Profile for June, MUD
Filling in for Mr. Mud, who knows he cannot gloss himself, this article submitted by the incredibly talented and fetching human highlight with a keyboard, you guessed it TILT.
In the way of the tragic highway accident, or Lindsay Lohan’s career, Mud has lived a compelling if not quite fascinating existence to this point. Born in the heart of North Providence (not Fatima hospital, he was birthed by a midwife in the basement of the house of Moi) Mud was a bouncing baby boy who showed early promise. By the age of 5 months, he could walk, read, and nail older brother Jim with a slap shot in front of the house from 60 feet.
Mud continued his prodigy by winning the Scripps national spelling bee while in the 2nd grade, for which he received a copy of Webster’s unabridged dictionary, and an afternoon on the set of television’s One Day at a Time, where he was French kissed by Valerie Bertinelli, AND that, 70’s porn start looking, dude who played Schneider. Mud’s burning star status was about to burn out though, because while on set, he stole the pack of cigarettes rolled in Schneider’s t-shirt sleeve, and began a habit that would haunt him for years not to mention ruining the career of what could have been one of our generations finest actors (we miss you Pat Harrington Jr.).
Mud’s accomplishments since this illustrious period, have as they say, paled in comparison, although there have been a few. In 1992, he made the FBI’s most wanted list (#37) for producing over 23,000 phony identifications at Rhode Island College. In 1994, he placed 2nd in a competitive eating contest (beef tongue), and on January 1, 2000, he was voted to Charmin’s all-decade shitting team, for producing the largest, loosest, and most original color turd on day 11 of the contest. Oddly enough, heading into the contest, he had been fasting for weeks.
I ran across this enigma of a man at the opening of Hairspray, at the Providence Performing Arts Center, where he was performing fluffer duties, and what follows is our conversation.
CS: Mister Mud, How goes it?
Mud: mmfblumfphblmphsptewwey! Fine.
CS: Would you tell us, sir, how has being a member of Club Sub influenced your life?
Mud: Well, in the early years, I found the camaraderie, and fellowship to be truly engaging, that and the deals on BMT’s. But as I have grown older, and more experienced, I realized I had no socially desirable qualities to offer the real world, but since I can randomly quote many movies, and lose $50.00 once in a while at Conca’s, I fit right in with this collection of lifeless compadres.
CS: Would you care to comment on the state of America in 2007?
Mud: Gas prices are ridiculous, homes are being foreclosed upon, the greenhouse effect is ripping holes in the ozone layer, and I really don’t care, but when we start to ban trans-fats, that’s going a bit too far, I mean really Why!! Why!!!
CS: How about the war in Iraq?
Mud: Forget about that, I’m too depressed, ever since my mistress, Anna Nicole Smith, passed away, I find myself unable to feel empathy towards the troops, little kids in Ethiopia, or the Ward twins.
CS: Mud, it’s okay, I’m here for you.
Mud: Fuck Off!
CS: You’ve successfully completed a stop smoking campaign, how did you do it?
Mud: At first it was difficult, I craved the nicotine, but I was able to distract myself with constant masturbation. I mean I spanked the little sucker everywhere, in the car, at my desk, while riding the elevator at the hospital when I was going to visit my grandfather, when…
CS: enough, we get the picture.
CS: That is a lovely sweater, who would you say has influenced you style-wise?
Mud: Well Helmut Lang, obviously, I’ve always thought Paul Newman looked classy, and of course Clarence Broadus Jr., better known as SNOOP D-O-Double G, especially the outfits he wore in Starsky & Hutch.
CS: Mud, you are on death row, what are you ordering for your last meal?
Mud: I’ve often asked myself this same question, and I would have to say cucumber sandwiches, mandarin orange slices, and a delicate lemon sorbet.
CS: What’s your philosophy of life?
Mud: I’ve always tried to live my life by one simple rule: A man has 2 things in this world, his balls and his word, and he shouldn’t break them for nobody. Isn’t that three things?
CS: Speaking of balls?
Mud: (ripping off the mic) fuckoff, you people are all the same, every fuckin’ time, its balls, balls, balls, just once I would like to do a fuckin’ interview without you probing my balls.
CS: thank you for your time.
In the way of the tragic highway accident, or Lindsay Lohan’s career, Mud has lived a compelling if not quite fascinating existence to this point. Born in the heart of North Providence (not Fatima hospital, he was birthed by a midwife in the basement of the house of Moi) Mud was a bouncing baby boy who showed early promise. By the age of 5 months, he could walk, read, and nail older brother Jim with a slap shot in front of the house from 60 feet.
Mud continued his prodigy by winning the Scripps national spelling bee while in the 2nd grade, for which he received a copy of Webster’s unabridged dictionary, and an afternoon on the set of television’s One Day at a Time, where he was French kissed by Valerie Bertinelli, AND that, 70’s porn start looking, dude who played Schneider. Mud’s burning star status was about to burn out though, because while on set, he stole the pack of cigarettes rolled in Schneider’s t-shirt sleeve, and began a habit that would haunt him for years not to mention ruining the career of what could have been one of our generations finest actors (we miss you Pat Harrington Jr.).
Mud’s accomplishments since this illustrious period, have as they say, paled in comparison, although there have been a few. In 1992, he made the FBI’s most wanted list (#37) for producing over 23,000 phony identifications at Rhode Island College. In 1994, he placed 2nd in a competitive eating contest (beef tongue), and on January 1, 2000, he was voted to Charmin’s all-decade shitting team, for producing the largest, loosest, and most original color turd on day 11 of the contest. Oddly enough, heading into the contest, he had been fasting for weeks.
I ran across this enigma of a man at the opening of Hairspray, at the Providence Performing Arts Center, where he was performing fluffer duties, and what follows is our conversation.
CS: Mister Mud, How goes it?
Mud: mmfblumfphblmphsptewwey! Fine.
CS: Would you tell us, sir, how has being a member of Club Sub influenced your life?
Mud: Well, in the early years, I found the camaraderie, and fellowship to be truly engaging, that and the deals on BMT’s. But as I have grown older, and more experienced, I realized I had no socially desirable qualities to offer the real world, but since I can randomly quote many movies, and lose $50.00 once in a while at Conca’s, I fit right in with this collection of lifeless compadres.
CS: Would you care to comment on the state of America in 2007?
Mud: Gas prices are ridiculous, homes are being foreclosed upon, the greenhouse effect is ripping holes in the ozone layer, and I really don’t care, but when we start to ban trans-fats, that’s going a bit too far, I mean really Why!! Why!!!
CS: How about the war in Iraq?
Mud: Forget about that, I’m too depressed, ever since my mistress, Anna Nicole Smith, passed away, I find myself unable to feel empathy towards the troops, little kids in Ethiopia, or the Ward twins.
CS: Mud, it’s okay, I’m here for you.
Mud: Fuck Off!
CS: You’ve successfully completed a stop smoking campaign, how did you do it?
Mud: At first it was difficult, I craved the nicotine, but I was able to distract myself with constant masturbation. I mean I spanked the little sucker everywhere, in the car, at my desk, while riding the elevator at the hospital when I was going to visit my grandfather, when…
CS: enough, we get the picture.
CS: That is a lovely sweater, who would you say has influenced you style-wise?
Mud: Well Helmut Lang, obviously, I’ve always thought Paul Newman looked classy, and of course Clarence Broadus Jr., better known as SNOOP D-O-Double G, especially the outfits he wore in Starsky & Hutch.
CS: Mud, you are on death row, what are you ordering for your last meal?
Mud: I’ve often asked myself this same question, and I would have to say cucumber sandwiches, mandarin orange slices, and a delicate lemon sorbet.
CS: What’s your philosophy of life?
Mud: I’ve always tried to live my life by one simple rule: A man has 2 things in this world, his balls and his word, and he shouldn’t break them for nobody. Isn’t that three things?
CS: Speaking of balls?
Mud: (ripping off the mic) fuckoff, you people are all the same, every fuckin’ time, its balls, balls, balls, just once I would like to do a fuckin’ interview without you probing my balls.
CS: thank you for your time.
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