Redacted/Retracted, either way Mailman’s candidacy for Club Sub on the rocks, Delegates Split

RI- News from this small irrelevant state, a split in the Club Sub Super Delegates has seriously hampered the candidacy of the Mailman, i.e. Newman, i.e Clavine, i.e Monkey Work. Four Super delegates, previously have split 2-2 on whether to continue to allow the Mailman to shirk his responsibilities for his initiation.

Said the VP: this is all under the guise of his new “baby”, however we all know he and his wife don’t sleep together. The fact that this baby likes soccer, plays poker poorly and talks with a fake English accent also has me wondering.”

The Schemer took a different view, saying, “this is not dissimilar to the Beer Hall Putsch in Nazi Germany in 1923. Who are we to stop what the people want.” “Can I get a large tank ice coffee, black?”

The President: could not be reached for comment as he’s currently breast feeding his dog, taking the gall bladder out of his baby, and house training his wife, or something like that.

The Hitman: also could not be reached as he’s been sick now for 17 straight years, however he is hoping to “ drink his way out of it on Friday”

Meanwhile, other shocking developments in the scandal have arisen. Footage of the Mailman’s alleged Spiritual Advisor, only known as The Mayo, has appeared on You tube. The footage appears to show an inebriated Mayo breaking into the Roger Williams Zoo, and then videotaping a comparison of his member with a number of different zoological creatures. He was quoted as saying: “Monkeys, Lions, those things that are half sheep half goat, I’ve got them all beat, but who would have known that Old security guard was so well hung”.

Additionally his anti club sub rhetoric was also taped. Comments included:

• “Club sub brought miller lite into the inner cities and ghettos. Think about it, who benefits?”
• “Club Sub poker players are greedy loud mouth idiots who will play anything at any time.”
• “I can live on Rice a Roni and Vodka, can’t you ?”

Breaking news: the Mailman has just been quoted as saying: “no more baby problems, I’m getting snipped”. The super delegates are now huddling. They’ve come out of conference……. It’s unamimous! He’s been thrown out pending further news!