Another Epic "V" Classic

"There's only one place I'd rather be- French Lick."- Larry Legend

The Legend would have been proud. The greatest basketball player of all time was praised over and over as the V Classic continued to be one of the premier invitation-only poker events to be played on December 31 near the prisons. Players came from far and wide- some from as far away as East Providence- to test their mettle on the world's most difficult stage.

"Thank you all for coming. There is bakery pizza and cocktails on the counter," said the host, as players began to filter to their seats. "Once you are eliminated, you must shoot 10 free throws, and the person who makes the most out of 10 will receive a shitty prize," added big V.

This tournament has a history of strange things happening, such as Florida Boy and JT being the final 2, going heads-up last year. JT won in 2006, but '07 would be a tougher road to hoe, as he arrived late and was already damaged by the blinds by the time he sat down. The strangeness continued this year. One of the favorites going into the event, the Veep, was eliminated on the very first hand by That Guy. His trip nines couldn't overcome That Guy's trip Queens. Even more strangely, AC and DaPrez didn't really go on tilt at all today, disappointing the rest of the players, who were hoping for F bombs and cards flying around.

But a lot of the usual things happened- True to form, Sloppy brought a sack of Burger King and a gigantic Tim Horton's Iced Coffee, which he promptly spilled all over the place.

"What an asshole," said the host, while scurrying for paper towels, "but don't quote me." OK, we won't.

The Blind structure (blinds went up every 23 minutes, in honor of MJ) caused many players to deviate from their normal play. Tight play was not rewarded, and agressiveness ruled the day. After an hour of play, 4 players were already eliminated. And that was just the beginning.

While this was going on, a side game developed in the basement, on a ping-pong table. This was exactly what the doctor ordered for the Veep, as he was sitting with his thumb up his ass for a couple of hours and needed to find a way to win back his entry fee. Dealing was a challenge on this table, and after several hands, they realized they could take down the net. This streamlined play significantly.

Back to the tournament- About 2 hours in, the final table was decided. Those left were Big V, Lou D, DaPrez, Terminator, Mud, 'Lil Bastard, Joe G, and That Guy. It was at this point that the biggest single event in the history of poker occurred.

Faced with a short stack, Mud went all in with K-10 offsuit. Terminator called with an Ace. Terminator caught 2 pair on the flop, while Mud caught a King. Terminator had 2 pair, Mud had a pair of Kings. Mud needed runner-runner to stay alive. The turn? a King. The River? a 10. Full boat. Mud stayed alive. Terminator should have been sitting pretty, but was outdrawn, even though he was a huge favorite at that point. Fortunately, he had a big enough chip stack to survive it. And this would not be the last time that these two gladiators would square off.

Players continued to fall. DaPrez bowed out in 4th place, which was in the money- sort of. He won $28, even though the entry fee was $33 for a net loss of $5. However, 3 of the 4 money spots were claimed by Club Sub members- another good showing.

'Lil Bastard got knocked out by Mud, who became the chip leader, with only he and Terminator left to go heads-up for all of the marbles.

It was then that things got interesting. Both players had had several beers, and lost track of the blinds and the dealer button. In an effort to clarify things, Joe G (who had polished off a double bottle of Yellow Tail cabernet sauvignon) jumped in to assist with the dealing and promptly fucked everything up even worse, as his lower lip was purple and was a distraction. He looked (and acted) like he had just drank a whole lot of the grape Kool-Aid at Jonestown. Fortunately for all involved, V and also Mrs V would periodically show up and inform us we were doing it all wrong, and then leave. Most helpful.

The players and the inebriated dealer were able to fight thru this adversity, and, on a few different occasions, nearly struck a deal to chop the final winnings. But Terminator put the kibash on that.

Chips went back and forth. Each player became chip leader after every hand. Back and forth, forth and back. Topsy or turvy, turvy or topsy. Finally, Mud pushed all in and Terminator called. Terminator's hand held up- and it was over.

"This is the greatest poker victory of all time," said an obviously elated Terminator. "For me to fight thru adversity like that and not choke- I'm very proud of me."

So is Larry Legend.

Box Score:
Starting on Hearts Table: Lou, Rat, That Guy, Terminator, Veep, AC, 'Lil Bastard, DV

Satrting on Spades Table: V, Mud, DaPrez, BC, Sloppy, Clapp, Joe G, JT.

Final Table: Mud, V, Terminator, DaPrez, That Guy, 'Lil Bastard, Joe G, Lou D.

Final Placement:
16th- Veep
15th- DV
14th- BC
13th- Sloppy
12th- Rat
11th- JT
10th- Clap
9th- AC
8th- Lou D
7th- Big V
6th- That Guy
5th- Joe G
4th- DaPrez ($)
3rd- 'Lil Bastard ($)
2nd- Mud ($)
1st- Terminator ($)
$- indicates a finish in the money.

Free throws- DV, 7 for 10.