Well, it's been quite a sabbatical for the Member Profiler (har!). I wrote a book, fathered a kid, dreamed of 3-way sex with Chasey Lain and Jenna Jameson (and myself), and reinvented my Fantasy Football teams.
But we're back, because there is new blood to talk about. This month we are talking with the Human Rain Delay, aka The Mailman, aka Captain Colon. It's not every day that someone can have 12 different personalities and not be considered deranged. But therein lies the mystery and stigma of this man- his personality is directly tied to the amount of cocktails he has consumed.
A probationary CS member, HRD has disgusted, appalled, fascinated, intrigued, entertained, loved, and verbally abused every member of Club Sub, often at the same time. His poker games are legendary. His poker skills are not.
He is the proud owner of a really terrible Fantasy Football franchise, dubbed "The Captain Morgan Men". What kind of name for a team is that? Was "The Cockjockeys" taken? Might as well have called them "The Midori Sours".
We bought him a Captain and Diet to more effectively pick his brain.
ClubSub: How does it feel to be a probationary member of Club Sub?
Human Rain Delay: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And does the affiliation with this fine organization affect your standing in social circles?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Any news on whether or not you will ever be a full-fledged member?
HRD: Bitches!
CS: Gotcha. Let's talk about the....Sir, wake up...Sir? SIR?!?!
HRD: (groggy) sadglgewhhcmmmm ....ttsppp .....boobs.... Cowboys.... Yankees.... fhffhhghfhfhgh.... Whoa! hooollleee ss.... 17 dollars? whatatehgshkdf.....
CS: (to HRD's assistant) Maybe we should do this another time...
HRD: (waking up) Negative, sir. I have not yet had the opportunity to refute your argument. In Parliamentary circles, I am awarded the privilege of a counterpoint. I find your perception, while certainly not without its merits, to be specious and incendiary, and I demand the courtesy of a rebutt.
CS: Wow...OK, fire away.
HRD: You're a fuckin homo. Get me a drink.
CS: What would being a full-fledged member of Club Sub mean to you?
HRD: It would mean....It would mean..EVERYTHING to me...I never had....I mean, I've had some friends, but never....I would be accepted, you know? To be a part of something so big, and so, new, and....It would just mean the world to me. It really would.
CS: That's beautiful. I never had any idea you were this insightful.
HRD: Well, you're a douche.
CS: Touche'. At any rate, do you have anything to say to DaPrez, who holds your Club Sub fate in his hands?
HRD: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And would you like to say anything to the other members, who hold much more influence than you think over DaPrez?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Now let's talk about the Yankees. Clearly a shell of their former self, do you think...
HRD: This interview is over, Bitches! (Flips Mud's poker table over)
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1 comment:
I did have a dominant team and won back to back championships just 2 years ago before the anti-conca rules were implemented. Other than that TOP NOTCH!!!
HRD
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