No particular order:
1) Naked Gun 1
2) Naked Gun 2
3) Naked Gun 3
4) The Godfather 1
5) The Godfather 2
6) Scarface
7) Pulp Fiction
8) The Natural
9) Rounders
10) Airplane
11) GoodFellas
12) Office Space
13) 40 Year Old Virgin
14) Old School
15) Swingers
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Club Sub Favorite Actors
1) Leslie Nielsen
2) Al Pacino
3) Rob DeNiro
4) Ed Norton
5) Steve Carell
6) Matt Damon
7) Vince Vaughn
8) Ben Stiller
9) Owen Wilson
10) Will Ferrell
2) Al Pacino
3) Rob DeNiro
4) Ed Norton
5) Steve Carell
6) Matt Damon
7) Vince Vaughn
8) Ben Stiller
9) Owen Wilson
10) Will Ferrell
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The Stargas Classic
Do you remember when the Stargas Classic was a basketball tournament?
It's all poker now...except for a few little things.
Like the entry fee ($33. for Bird) (please bring exact change)
The blinds will increase every 23 minutes in honor of Michael JordanAll players in the classic will be given an "alter ego" of a pro basketball player that relates to their poker playing style. These will be given by the tournament director (me) and are non negotiable.
New Year's Eve (12 noon)
At The Hitman's house
Update: Here are the Alter Ego Names for the Club Sub members that played in the Stargas Classic this year.
DaPrez= Dominique Wilkens. Nique was called the Human Highlight Reel. DaPrez's Tilt's are epic. They should be filmed and replayed over and over again.
Frank White= Karl Malone. Frank is not "The Mailman" just because he knocked up C's wife...that's only part of it. Malone played the game forever...it seems like Frank came out the womb with Ace-King in his hand.
Mud= Kurt Rambis. Kurt was a grinder...just like Mud. A workhorse who grinds out pots bt folding, checking, hanging around. Mud plays cards like the guy who remebers to bring the toilet paper on the camping trip.
Fic= Paul Pierce. "The Truth" is how Fic lives his life. He's too honest to lie...except when bluffing. Paul came back to the game after being attacked at a night club. Fic would refuse medical treatment and crawl to the table even when stabbed 17 times.
The Schemer= Kevin McHale. Kelly makes poker "moves" that seem illegal just like McHale's post moves. Schemer's awkward at the table...spilling his beer, knocking over his chips (and everyone elses) but he still shows brillance at times just like the Celts 32.
Tilt=Magic Johnson. Speaking of shot takers...Tilt takes shots at pots often (maybe that's because his son says he's the best all around poker player...ever!) Magic was a showman...just like Tilt. Every game is played like the cameras are rolling.
Faceman= Allen Iverson. Iverson is a little guy who plays big. Face plays big poker. When he wins...he wins big. When he loses...he loses HUGE!! Iverson is tough and never misses a game just like Face who plays every hand.
Big Sloppy= Charles Barkley. Sloppy plays poker "Out Loud" just like Sir Charles. He's always got something to say about each and every hand...even the ones he's not in. The way Sloppy Lives...he's no one's role model.
That Guy= Bob Cousy. Cousy was a pest, involved in every play on the court. That Guy is in every hand pestering others on the table. Now Cousy's constant gabbing makes Celtic fans watch games on mute. There is no mute button for That Guy. Congrats to That Guy for his 2nd place finish at the Stargas Classic.
It's all poker now...except for a few little things.
Like the entry fee ($33. for Bird) (please bring exact change)
The blinds will increase every 23 minutes in honor of Michael JordanAll players in the classic will be given an "alter ego" of a pro basketball player that relates to their poker playing style. These will be given by the tournament director (me) and are non negotiable.
New Year's Eve (12 noon)
At The Hitman's house
Update: Here are the Alter Ego Names for the Club Sub members that played in the Stargas Classic this year.
DaPrez= Dominique Wilkens. Nique was called the Human Highlight Reel. DaPrez's Tilt's are epic. They should be filmed and replayed over and over again.
Frank White= Karl Malone. Frank is not "The Mailman" just because he knocked up C's wife...that's only part of it. Malone played the game forever...it seems like Frank came out the womb with Ace-King in his hand.
Mud= Kurt Rambis. Kurt was a grinder...just like Mud. A workhorse who grinds out pots bt folding, checking, hanging around. Mud plays cards like the guy who remebers to bring the toilet paper on the camping trip.
Fic= Paul Pierce. "The Truth" is how Fic lives his life. He's too honest to lie...except when bluffing. Paul came back to the game after being attacked at a night club. Fic would refuse medical treatment and crawl to the table even when stabbed 17 times.
The Schemer= Kevin McHale. Kelly makes poker "moves" that seem illegal just like McHale's post moves. Schemer's awkward at the table...spilling his beer, knocking over his chips (and everyone elses) but he still shows brillance at times just like the Celts 32.
Tilt=Magic Johnson. Speaking of shot takers...Tilt takes shots at pots often (maybe that's because his son says he's the best all around poker player...ever!) Magic was a showman...just like Tilt. Every game is played like the cameras are rolling.
Faceman= Allen Iverson. Iverson is a little guy who plays big. Face plays big poker. When he wins...he wins big. When he loses...he loses HUGE!! Iverson is tough and never misses a game just like Face who plays every hand.
Big Sloppy= Charles Barkley. Sloppy plays poker "Out Loud" just like Sir Charles. He's always got something to say about each and every hand...even the ones he's not in. The way Sloppy Lives...he's no one's role model.
That Guy= Bob Cousy. Cousy was a pest, involved in every play on the court. That Guy is in every hand pestering others on the table. Now Cousy's constant gabbing makes Celtic fans watch games on mute. There is no mute button for That Guy. Congrats to That Guy for his 2nd place finish at the Stargas Classic.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Club Sub favorite Drinks
Miller Lite - ice cold
Corvo Red Wine - room temp
Scotch, scotch, scotch, we love scotch
Caribou Lou - 151 rum, malibu rum, and pinapple juice
Hennessy - on the rocks
Absolute and Tonic
Southern Comfort - on the rocks
Southern Comfort Mahattan
Corvo Red Wine - room temp
Scotch, scotch, scotch, we love scotch
Caribou Lou - 151 rum, malibu rum, and pinapple juice
Hennessy - on the rocks
Absolute and Tonic
Southern Comfort - on the rocks
Southern Comfort Mahattan
Club Sub Favorite Quotes
1) "A man is only as faithful as his options"
2) "If you're in the forrest with your wife, You don't have to be fast to outrun a bear, just faster than your wife."
3) "Action beats reaction"
4) "Club sub members operate on "the 8 year old soccer principle" in that we all run toward the ball in life rather than fielding our positions."
5) "Wow, She Blew Up Like A Tick"
6) Club Sub Toast "To wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!"
2) "If you're in the forrest with your wife, You don't have to be fast to outrun a bear, just faster than your wife."
3) "Action beats reaction"
4) "Club sub members operate on "the 8 year old soccer principle" in that we all run toward the ball in life rather than fielding our positions."
5) "Wow, She Blew Up Like A Tick"
6) Club Sub Toast "To wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!"
The Mud Club Sub Member Profile of the Month
December 2006 Member DaPrez:
DaPrez recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for longest ear hair on a balding man, at 17.56 inches… However, it was discovered by DaFirstLady and plucked unceremoniously.... He is an avid collector of auto batteries, and boasts over 67 in his collection. He stores them next to the illegal tire dump he has in his backyard. Was forcibly removed from the 2004 Republican National Convention after making obscene gestures at Barbara Bush and was overheard saying "I'll tear you up, sweet Mama!".... His back hair was subpoenaed and searched by rescuers attempting to locate those missing hikers in Oregon. Loves Leopard robes and pirate clothes/accessories.
3 questions for DaPrez:
CS: Question number 1. What is your greatest fear in life?
DP: Cooties. I'm afraid of cooties. Oh, and clowns, too.
CS: Question Number 2. Who has made the greatest impact in your life?
DP: Without a doubt- Louis Farrakhan. He has given me purpose and meaning. I held a Hundred-Man March last year at my house. We only got about 12 guys, so instead of marching we played Yahtzee. Good times!
CS: Question Number 3. Is there anyone you'd like to give a "shout out" to?
DP: Yes there is!
CS: Question Number 3a...Um, well- who is it?
DP: You didn't ask that initially. Go to Hell.
DaPrez recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for longest ear hair on a balding man, at 17.56 inches… However, it was discovered by DaFirstLady and plucked unceremoniously.... He is an avid collector of auto batteries, and boasts over 67 in his collection. He stores them next to the illegal tire dump he has in his backyard. Was forcibly removed from the 2004 Republican National Convention after making obscene gestures at Barbara Bush and was overheard saying "I'll tear you up, sweet Mama!".... His back hair was subpoenaed and searched by rescuers attempting to locate those missing hikers in Oregon. Loves Leopard robes and pirate clothes/accessories.
3 questions for DaPrez:
CS: Question number 1. What is your greatest fear in life?
DP: Cooties. I'm afraid of cooties. Oh, and clowns, too.
CS: Question Number 2. Who has made the greatest impact in your life?
DP: Without a doubt- Louis Farrakhan. He has given me purpose and meaning. I held a Hundred-Man March last year at my house. We only got about 12 guys, so instead of marching we played Yahtzee. Good times!
CS: Question Number 3. Is there anyone you'd like to give a "shout out" to?
DP: Yes there is!
CS: Question Number 3a...Um, well- who is it?
DP: You didn't ask that initially. Go to Hell.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Club Sub Fantasy Football
The official standings are in. Captain Morgan Men Win it All Again!!!! No wonder the mail never gets delivered on time.
1. Captain Morgan Men (Back to Back Championships)
2. Ward Boys
3. Club Sub Convicts
4. Ouch LT!
5. Warriors
6. Matlock Mania
7. Da Prez
8. Del's Destroyer
9. All In
10. Hot Corner
1. Captain Morgan Men (Back to Back Championships)
2. Ward Boys
3. Club Sub Convicts
4. Ouch LT!
5. Warriors
6. Matlock Mania
7. Da Prez
8. Del's Destroyer
9. All In
10. Hot Corner
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Club Sub Bio's
Club Sub Executive Branch
Name: J. D.
Title: President
Nickname: DaPrez
Known Aliases: Farty McSmellydrawers, Loud Guy
Bio: The Creator and Founder of Club Sub. Most technologically advanced of all Club Sub members, Jeff had a pager in 1987. He also was the first member of Club Sub to pay bills online, and consequently has had his identity stolen 8 times since 2002. Adoptive father of Dave K., Sec.of State.
Catch Phrase: “This isn’t looking too sexy right here.”
Name: Mr.Unknown
Title: Vice President
Nicknames: Frank White, The Infant
Known Aliases: Meyer Lansky III, The Asshole
Bio: Club Sub’s Financial wizard. Originally the Youngest member of Club Sub, Mr Unknown. has spent his entire tenure as a Club Sub member trying to climb the ladder. Suggested that Club Sub go public, even proposing a $217 IPO in 1997. Makes money in EVERY VENTURE.
Catch Phrase: “How’s that stock?”
Departments & Staff
Name: Steve V.
Title: Chief of Staff
Nickname: Hitman
Known Aliases: V, Big Steve V, Big Chief Brownbottom
Bio: One of the greatest proponents in the history of Club Sub, Mr. V. has done more to popularize and expand Club Sub than any other member, including a venture into Montana. Responsible for several failed Club Sub public relations campaigns (as well as many successful ones), such as the Christmas Party at the Marriott where several of us were nearly arrested and had to stockpile alcohol in a bathtub. While some argue that this event was not a failure, it was a strategic disaster and cost Club Sub several allies.
Catch Phrase: Go fuck yourself Mud.
Name: Dave K.
Title: Secretary of State
Nickname: The Schemer
Known Aliases: The Mad Pisser, Toilet Dave, Leaky
Bio: One of the original Club Sub members, DK has been consistently inconsistent throughout his tenure. Known for his odd, erratic behavior and thought processes, as well as an ongoing Flomax-type of ailment, DK is a shrewd planner and analyst, and is lauded for his sharpness and war-time planning ability.
Catch Phrase: Not so much.
Name: Fic
Title: Secretary of Defense
Nickname: Terminator
Known Aliases: Fic, Dreamchaser, Large Marge, the Factor
Bio: Has dedicated himself to all things sports-related. While a generally quiet, unassuming, nice fellow, Fic is UBER-competitive and will stop at nothing to win. Spent 7 months as a houseboy in the Phillipines in the 80s in a Culture-Exchange program, and credits this experience with molding and shaping him into the man he is today. His top asset as Secretary is Defense is an unfailing ability to look menacing, even though in his head he is singing Abba tunes.
Catch Phrase: Theeeeeyyyy SUUUUUUUCCCCKKK!
Name: Brian C.
Title: Secretary of Energy
Nickname: Tilt
Known Aliases: Coach, Hetero B, The Southern Dandy
Bio: Earned Sec of Energy honors due to the fact that his vehicle uses more gas than anyone else’s. Brian was the first Club Sub member to be married, and is also the first to have had significant voluntary surgery to his happy place. Intelligent, charming, handsome, and generally harmless, Brian has zero knowledge of the Energy industry and it completely useless as a Secretary of Energy. But what a handsome devil!
Catch Phrase: Who wants some of this Crème Broullet that I just took out of the oven?
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: James W.
Title: Secretary of the Interior
Nickname: The Rat
Known Aliases: Where the fuck is Jim, Jim’s not coming, The Bill Collector
Bio: Quick and agile, he is known for his shrewdness and his inability to attend most Cabinet meetings. Despite this, JW is and will remain a trusted advisor to this administration due to his ruthlessness and candor. Despite his small stature, he is one of the most feared & respected members of Club Sub due to his willingness to take on people who are substantially larger than himself. Is an outstanding softball player, particularly in the field. Was once confused with Brent Kermen by a senile reporter for The Observer.
Catch Phrase: Who invited you? Get the fuck out of here!
Name: Stephen M.
Title: Director of National Intelligence
Nickname: Mud
Known Aliases: LT, Mud the Stud, Moose, Tex Colorado
Bio: Loyal, honest, and unscrupulous, is willing to do the dirty work for the organization, provided he receives praise and financial support. Speaks at inopportune times and can insult EVERYONE with a single comment. Has spent the better part of his life convincing everyone that he is much dumber than he really is in order to infiltrate opposing organizations and crush them. Has killed a man.
Catch Phrase: Try saying that again without the cock in your mouth, asshole.
Name: John W., Jr.
Title: Secretary of Education
Nickname: Johnny Dogs, Johnny Bats, That Guy
Known Aliases: Harvey L. Sherman, Esq., Pedro Lopes de la Santa Rosa
Bio: Honest, friendly, and unabashedly feminine, JW is often the first person on the dance floor (male or female) at weddings. Has great networking skills and can make small talk with anyone. Has an iPod playlist called “Boy Bands”.
Catch Phrase: Michael Jackson is Awesome!
Name: Mike C.
Title: Secretary of HUD
Nickname: Clap, Faceman
Known Aliases: Jason Clap, Brian Clap, Joey Clap
Bio: Notoriously quiet, polite, and hard-working. Often seen in the company of midgets. Actually possesses real-estate licenses. Had 12 different majors in college before finally settling on Physical Therapy, which he put to good use by becoming a mortgage broker/real estate agent.
Catch Phrase: (smile, nod)
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: Ray C.
Title: Secretary of the Treasury
Nicknames: Cloot, Big Red
Known Aliases: Ray Ray, Coach, Skip
Bio: IS North Providence. There isn’t a single person in NP who doesn’t know him. Weighed 145 pounds as Senior in High School. Weighs 145 pounds now. Never travels without his personal assistant and lawyer, Mr. Wong.
Catch Phrase: Let’s play two!
Name: Jason D.
Title: Secretary of Labor
Nickname: Big Sloppy, the Skankmaster
Known Aliases: JD, Willie the Wimp and his Cadillac Coffin
Bio: Is eminently qualified to be Secretary of Labor due to his lacking a real job and his ability to put skanks to work. Comes to all Cabinet meetings with a bag of Burger King.
Catch Phrase: I was four to a flush, and I was getting good pot odds, so I looked him up on the flop, but I couldn’t catch on the turn and got fucked on the river, so I went all in, but it was a coin flip, and he doubled up thru me.
Name: Chris R.
Title: Attorney General
Nickname: Daddy
Known Aliases: The Lobbyist, CWR
Bio: Due to the terms and conditions set forth by Provision 6-2.3 of the Agreement (“the agreement”), Club Sub Management (hereinafter “we”) are prohibited from publishing a Bio (“said document”).
Name: Dan V.
Title: Secretary of Veterans Affairs
Nickname: Big Daddy
Known Aliases: Portugese Pride, The Fireman
Bio: A gifted storyteller, Big Daddy continues to be a guiding force in the leadership and ideals of the Club Sub organization despite the organization’s efforts to convince him to retire and take a token position on the Board. He could continue his tenure as an historian, a position he is certainly qualified for.
Catch Phrase: Did I ever you tell you about the time…..?
Name: Fr. Mark
Title: Priest
Nickname: The Priest, Mark
Known Aliases: The Chef, The Holy Roller
Bio: Father Mark is a wonderful man. Let’s leave it at that.
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: Rich Raz
Title: Secretary of Transportation
Nickname: Razz, the Mouth
Known Aliases: PIFD (Pollock is fakin drunkardness)
Bio: Teetering on the edge of “inactive” status, Razz has not been actively involved in the operations of the organization for quite some time. Due to his indiscretions (read: Loose Lips), the organization is keen to not have him privy to the day-to-day operations.
Name: Paul S.
Title: Drug Czar
Nickname: Five-O, Swinny
Known Aliases: Creatine, Andro, the Mass
Bio: A NP cop, Swinny most valuable asset to the organization is his “name-dropping” propensity. Thus, he shall never be rendered “inactive”. Also, he can really hit a baseball.
Catch Phrase: I ask the questions around here!
Name: Al Dal
Title: Secretary of Agriculture
Nickname: Beerman
Known Aliases: Al D, DC, Al Dal
Bio: A feared local hoodlum, Al was brought into the Club Sub fold in the early days when he attempted to rob it armed with a large ornamental wooden spoon. The potentially was immediately seen in him, and he was hastily inducted. Has dated more than 70 women, but ended up marrying the first one he dated, just as we all knew he would.
Name: Ron C.
Title: Director of Homeland Security
Nickname: Ron, Caps
Known Aliases: Endicott French, Mahmoud Abdullah Al-Medhi
Bio: Born Frederick Pringle in 1971, Ron changed his name shortly after his birth, which proved to be a short-sighted gesture that denied him the rights to the Pringle family fortune, estimated in 1991 at $7.4 billion. Capraro can often be seen around NP, mumbling to himself and kicking puppies.
Name: Jake J.
Title: Director of Health and Human Services
Nickname: The Snake
Known Aliases: The Cockblocker, JJ
Bio: Orginally from Woonsocket, Jarvis was inducted into Club Sub as a mandate from the ACLU who determined that NOT having a member from Woonsocket was “Profiling”. Club Sub put up a legal defense, but their case collapsed when Attorney General Chris R. referred to Jake in court as a “frog bastard” despite Jake not being French.
Inactive (Emeritus) Status
Scott W.
Sergio “The Llama that did Your Mama” L.
Frank “The Bouncer” A.
Antonio L.
PJ W.
Name: J. D.
Title: President
Nickname: DaPrez
Known Aliases: Farty McSmellydrawers, Loud Guy
Bio: The Creator and Founder of Club Sub. Most technologically advanced of all Club Sub members, Jeff had a pager in 1987. He also was the first member of Club Sub to pay bills online, and consequently has had his identity stolen 8 times since 2002. Adoptive father of Dave K., Sec.of State.
Catch Phrase: “This isn’t looking too sexy right here.”
Name: Mr.Unknown
Title: Vice President
Nicknames: Frank White, The Infant
Known Aliases: Meyer Lansky III, The Asshole
Bio: Club Sub’s Financial wizard. Originally the Youngest member of Club Sub, Mr Unknown. has spent his entire tenure as a Club Sub member trying to climb the ladder. Suggested that Club Sub go public, even proposing a $217 IPO in 1997. Makes money in EVERY VENTURE.
Catch Phrase: “How’s that stock?”
Departments & Staff
Name: Steve V.
Title: Chief of Staff
Nickname: Hitman
Known Aliases: V, Big Steve V, Big Chief Brownbottom
Bio: One of the greatest proponents in the history of Club Sub, Mr. V. has done more to popularize and expand Club Sub than any other member, including a venture into Montana. Responsible for several failed Club Sub public relations campaigns (as well as many successful ones), such as the Christmas Party at the Marriott where several of us were nearly arrested and had to stockpile alcohol in a bathtub. While some argue that this event was not a failure, it was a strategic disaster and cost Club Sub several allies.
Catch Phrase: Go fuck yourself Mud.
Name: Dave K.
Title: Secretary of State
Nickname: The Schemer
Known Aliases: The Mad Pisser, Toilet Dave, Leaky
Bio: One of the original Club Sub members, DK has been consistently inconsistent throughout his tenure. Known for his odd, erratic behavior and thought processes, as well as an ongoing Flomax-type of ailment, DK is a shrewd planner and analyst, and is lauded for his sharpness and war-time planning ability.
Catch Phrase: Not so much.
Name: Fic
Title: Secretary of Defense
Nickname: Terminator
Known Aliases: Fic, Dreamchaser, Large Marge, the Factor
Bio: Has dedicated himself to all things sports-related. While a generally quiet, unassuming, nice fellow, Fic is UBER-competitive and will stop at nothing to win. Spent 7 months as a houseboy in the Phillipines in the 80s in a Culture-Exchange program, and credits this experience with molding and shaping him into the man he is today. His top asset as Secretary is Defense is an unfailing ability to look menacing, even though in his head he is singing Abba tunes.
Catch Phrase: Theeeeeyyyy SUUUUUUUCCCCKKK!
Name: Brian C.
Title: Secretary of Energy
Nickname: Tilt
Known Aliases: Coach, Hetero B, The Southern Dandy
Bio: Earned Sec of Energy honors due to the fact that his vehicle uses more gas than anyone else’s. Brian was the first Club Sub member to be married, and is also the first to have had significant voluntary surgery to his happy place. Intelligent, charming, handsome, and generally harmless, Brian has zero knowledge of the Energy industry and it completely useless as a Secretary of Energy. But what a handsome devil!
Catch Phrase: Who wants some of this Crème Broullet that I just took out of the oven?
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: James W.
Title: Secretary of the Interior
Nickname: The Rat
Known Aliases: Where the fuck is Jim, Jim’s not coming, The Bill Collector
Bio: Quick and agile, he is known for his shrewdness and his inability to attend most Cabinet meetings. Despite this, JW is and will remain a trusted advisor to this administration due to his ruthlessness and candor. Despite his small stature, he is one of the most feared & respected members of Club Sub due to his willingness to take on people who are substantially larger than himself. Is an outstanding softball player, particularly in the field. Was once confused with Brent Kermen by a senile reporter for The Observer.
Catch Phrase: Who invited you? Get the fuck out of here!
Name: Stephen M.
Title: Director of National Intelligence
Nickname: Mud
Known Aliases: LT, Mud the Stud, Moose, Tex Colorado
Bio: Loyal, honest, and unscrupulous, is willing to do the dirty work for the organization, provided he receives praise and financial support. Speaks at inopportune times and can insult EVERYONE with a single comment. Has spent the better part of his life convincing everyone that he is much dumber than he really is in order to infiltrate opposing organizations and crush them. Has killed a man.
Catch Phrase: Try saying that again without the cock in your mouth, asshole.
Name: John W., Jr.
Title: Secretary of Education
Nickname: Johnny Dogs, Johnny Bats, That Guy
Known Aliases: Harvey L. Sherman, Esq., Pedro Lopes de la Santa Rosa
Bio: Honest, friendly, and unabashedly feminine, JW is often the first person on the dance floor (male or female) at weddings. Has great networking skills and can make small talk with anyone. Has an iPod playlist called “Boy Bands”.
Catch Phrase: Michael Jackson is Awesome!
Name: Mike C.
Title: Secretary of HUD
Nickname: Clap, Faceman
Known Aliases: Jason Clap, Brian Clap, Joey Clap
Bio: Notoriously quiet, polite, and hard-working. Often seen in the company of midgets. Actually possesses real-estate licenses. Had 12 different majors in college before finally settling on Physical Therapy, which he put to good use by becoming a mortgage broker/real estate agent.
Catch Phrase: (smile, nod)
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: Ray C.
Title: Secretary of the Treasury
Nicknames: Cloot, Big Red
Known Aliases: Ray Ray, Coach, Skip
Bio: IS North Providence. There isn’t a single person in NP who doesn’t know him. Weighed 145 pounds as Senior in High School. Weighs 145 pounds now. Never travels without his personal assistant and lawyer, Mr. Wong.
Catch Phrase: Let’s play two!
Name: Jason D.
Title: Secretary of Labor
Nickname: Big Sloppy, the Skankmaster
Known Aliases: JD, Willie the Wimp and his Cadillac Coffin
Bio: Is eminently qualified to be Secretary of Labor due to his lacking a real job and his ability to put skanks to work. Comes to all Cabinet meetings with a bag of Burger King.
Catch Phrase: I was four to a flush, and I was getting good pot odds, so I looked him up on the flop, but I couldn’t catch on the turn and got fucked on the river, so I went all in, but it was a coin flip, and he doubled up thru me.
Name: Chris R.
Title: Attorney General
Nickname: Daddy
Known Aliases: The Lobbyist, CWR
Bio: Due to the terms and conditions set forth by Provision 6-2.3 of the Agreement (“the agreement”), Club Sub Management (hereinafter “we”) are prohibited from publishing a Bio (“said document”).
Name: Dan V.
Title: Secretary of Veterans Affairs
Nickname: Big Daddy
Known Aliases: Portugese Pride, The Fireman
Bio: A gifted storyteller, Big Daddy continues to be a guiding force in the leadership and ideals of the Club Sub organization despite the organization’s efforts to convince him to retire and take a token position on the Board. He could continue his tenure as an historian, a position he is certainly qualified for.
Catch Phrase: Did I ever you tell you about the time…..?
Name: Fr. Mark
Title: Priest
Nickname: The Priest, Mark
Known Aliases: The Chef, The Holy Roller
Bio: Father Mark is a wonderful man. Let’s leave it at that.
Departments & Staff (continued)
Name: Rich Raz
Title: Secretary of Transportation
Nickname: Razz, the Mouth
Known Aliases: PIFD (Pollock is fakin drunkardness)
Bio: Teetering on the edge of “inactive” status, Razz has not been actively involved in the operations of the organization for quite some time. Due to his indiscretions (read: Loose Lips), the organization is keen to not have him privy to the day-to-day operations.
Name: Paul S.
Title: Drug Czar
Nickname: Five-O, Swinny
Known Aliases: Creatine, Andro, the Mass
Bio: A NP cop, Swinny most valuable asset to the organization is his “name-dropping” propensity. Thus, he shall never be rendered “inactive”. Also, he can really hit a baseball.
Catch Phrase: I ask the questions around here!
Name: Al Dal
Title: Secretary of Agriculture
Nickname: Beerman
Known Aliases: Al D, DC, Al Dal
Bio: A feared local hoodlum, Al was brought into the Club Sub fold in the early days when he attempted to rob it armed with a large ornamental wooden spoon. The potentially was immediately seen in him, and he was hastily inducted. Has dated more than 70 women, but ended up marrying the first one he dated, just as we all knew he would.
Name: Ron C.
Title: Director of Homeland Security
Nickname: Ron, Caps
Known Aliases: Endicott French, Mahmoud Abdullah Al-Medhi
Bio: Born Frederick Pringle in 1971, Ron changed his name shortly after his birth, which proved to be a short-sighted gesture that denied him the rights to the Pringle family fortune, estimated in 1991 at $7.4 billion. Capraro can often be seen around NP, mumbling to himself and kicking puppies.
Name: Jake J.
Title: Director of Health and Human Services
Nickname: The Snake
Known Aliases: The Cockblocker, JJ
Bio: Orginally from Woonsocket, Jarvis was inducted into Club Sub as a mandate from the ACLU who determined that NOT having a member from Woonsocket was “Profiling”. Club Sub put up a legal defense, but their case collapsed when Attorney General Chris R. referred to Jake in court as a “frog bastard” despite Jake not being French.
Inactive (Emeritus) Status
Scott W.
Sergio “The Llama that did Your Mama” L.
Frank “The Bouncer” A.
Antonio L.
PJ W.
Club Sub Party
There is a Club Sub party set for Feb. 10th, 2007 to celebrate 18 years of mayhem.
More information to come
More information to come
1st Annual Club Sub Poker Tournament
The 1st annual Club Sub Poker Tournament was recenly held in Warwick, RI.
There were 9 participates in this year tournament.
DaPrez was crowned the ClubSub Poker Champion for the year.
The final standings of the tourney went as follows:
9) Big Sloppy
8) Da Rat
7) Hitman
6) Frank White
5) Clap
4) Mud
3) Schemer
2) Fic
1) DaPrez
There were 9 participates in this year tournament.
DaPrez was crowned the ClubSub Poker Champion for the year.
The final standings of the tourney went as follows:
9) Big Sloppy
8) Da Rat
7) Hitman
6) Frank White
5) Clap
4) Mud
3) Schemer
2) Fic
1) DaPrez
Friday, November 03, 2006
Club Sub Constitution
The Club Sub Constitution
Our Mission:
To protect and enhance the lives of its members and associates by surrounding ourselves with members and those with similar interests, primarily alcohol, gambling, sports, and more alcohol. We measure our success based on our own happiness. If you aren’t a member, then we don’t give a shit about you. If you want us to care then get on the bus or get the fuck out of the station.
History:
Club Sub was founded in 1989 by Jeff D. when, as a young hoodlum, he allegedly began systematically embezzling funds and food from a Subway restaurant that he was employed at in North Providence, RI. Due to its location and its complete lack of customers, it soon became a hangout of those who wished to bask in Mr. D’s glory, along with BMT’s, alcohol, the stable, and loud rap music. Word soon spread of the unique social organization that was in its infancy, and before too long members would be added at the rate of nearly 1% YOY. Soon initiation rituals were developed to keep out the riffraff, and potential members were forced to participate in bizarre rituals that are unfit to print. Club Sub is normally a peaceful organization however it has seen its share of wars and is not afraid of confrontation. During wartime members are often called upon to utilize their best assets in order to help the organization be victorious.
Business Contingency/Disaster/Emergency Plans
Club Sub has extensive plans in case of a catastrophic event.
First, no more than 4 club sub members at a time are allowed to fly on the same flight. While this is actually a request of the airlines, it also ensures we don’t suffer a catastrophic loss.
Next, Club Sub maintains a diverse geographic base, with some members living as far as 10 miles from each other. There is one exception to this where a member has moved within 500 feet, but this is due to special needs circumstances. Also in almost all cases, club sub members live less than 10 miles from their parents, thus enabling a quick check with the elders should advice be needed.
3rd, in case of a disastrous event, every member’s house is sufficiently equipped with backup refrigeration should another member need reinforcements to their ML supply.
4th, Economic diversification: with few exceptions, the members have opted for low paying jobs with bleak futures but high levels of job security. As such the members should be immune to any economic recessions/downturns etc.
Transition Plan
Club sub maintains an extensive transition plan in case of death of a member. First, Club Sub, does not provide any cash to the spouse should a member die. This is because in almost all cases, the spouses will be far better off via their life insurance proceeds vs. the loss of income from their husband’s job.
2nd, upon death of a member, plans are in place for a Kennedy-esque funeral, including bugle corp., children in suits, and lots of drinking.
3rd, should one of the inner cabinet die, the remaining members will vote on a replacement at such time. This vote will take place at current headquarters, the Orange in Warwick.
Voting and Decision Making
Club sub has a very consistent and transparent approach to decision making. The President holds final veto power on any and all decisions. The President can also issue laws. The President can approve or disapprove pending members. The President can dictate the entrance exam into Club Sub. The President has privileges with prospects spouses (not members however). The President can yell as loud as he wants. The President can say incoherent things that the members must agree to. The President can make an act of war (see the Club Sub vs. Taco Bell wars). The President can deem a car to be a “girl car”. The President can select a Zoo animal or Doberman Pinscher and make it a house pet if he has time to train it but who has the time. This system is modeled after the current US government.
2006 and Beyond:
Today the organization boasts nearly 20 members, excluding their spouses and male heirs, all of which have a defined role consisting of the pursuit of alcohol, gambling, and sins of the flesh. The group has done very little to benefit society as a whole, which is a point of pride for the organization.
Our Mission:
To protect and enhance the lives of its members and associates by surrounding ourselves with members and those with similar interests, primarily alcohol, gambling, sports, and more alcohol. We measure our success based on our own happiness. If you aren’t a member, then we don’t give a shit about you. If you want us to care then get on the bus or get the fuck out of the station.
History:
Club Sub was founded in 1989 by Jeff D. when, as a young hoodlum, he allegedly began systematically embezzling funds and food from a Subway restaurant that he was employed at in North Providence, RI. Due to its location and its complete lack of customers, it soon became a hangout of those who wished to bask in Mr. D’s glory, along with BMT’s, alcohol, the stable, and loud rap music. Word soon spread of the unique social organization that was in its infancy, and before too long members would be added at the rate of nearly 1% YOY. Soon initiation rituals were developed to keep out the riffraff, and potential members were forced to participate in bizarre rituals that are unfit to print. Club Sub is normally a peaceful organization however it has seen its share of wars and is not afraid of confrontation. During wartime members are often called upon to utilize their best assets in order to help the organization be victorious.
Business Contingency/Disaster/Emergency Plans
Club Sub has extensive plans in case of a catastrophic event.
First, no more than 4 club sub members at a time are allowed to fly on the same flight. While this is actually a request of the airlines, it also ensures we don’t suffer a catastrophic loss.
Next, Club Sub maintains a diverse geographic base, with some members living as far as 10 miles from each other. There is one exception to this where a member has moved within 500 feet, but this is due to special needs circumstances. Also in almost all cases, club sub members live less than 10 miles from their parents, thus enabling a quick check with the elders should advice be needed.
3rd, in case of a disastrous event, every member’s house is sufficiently equipped with backup refrigeration should another member need reinforcements to their ML supply.
4th, Economic diversification: with few exceptions, the members have opted for low paying jobs with bleak futures but high levels of job security. As such the members should be immune to any economic recessions/downturns etc.
Transition Plan
Club sub maintains an extensive transition plan in case of death of a member. First, Club Sub, does not provide any cash to the spouse should a member die. This is because in almost all cases, the spouses will be far better off via their life insurance proceeds vs. the loss of income from their husband’s job.
2nd, upon death of a member, plans are in place for a Kennedy-esque funeral, including bugle corp., children in suits, and lots of drinking.
3rd, should one of the inner cabinet die, the remaining members will vote on a replacement at such time. This vote will take place at current headquarters, the Orange in Warwick.
Voting and Decision Making
Club sub has a very consistent and transparent approach to decision making. The President holds final veto power on any and all decisions. The President can also issue laws. The President can approve or disapprove pending members. The President can dictate the entrance exam into Club Sub. The President has privileges with prospects spouses (not members however). The President can yell as loud as he wants. The President can say incoherent things that the members must agree to. The President can make an act of war (see the Club Sub vs. Taco Bell wars). The President can deem a car to be a “girl car”. The President can select a Zoo animal or Doberman Pinscher and make it a house pet if he has time to train it but who has the time. This system is modeled after the current US government.
2006 and Beyond:
Today the organization boasts nearly 20 members, excluding their spouses and male heirs, all of which have a defined role consisting of the pursuit of alcohol, gambling, and sins of the flesh. The group has done very little to benefit society as a whole, which is a point of pride for the organization.
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