Club Sub leads Pats' Attack vs Cowboys, Pavement attacks Flanagan

Club Sub leads Pats Attack vs Cowboys, Pavement attacks Flanagan

(note this blog was delayed as the writer did not have full use of his hands until 4 pm today.)

Dallas- The Annual Fall Club Sub football trip was a rousing success as the boys (club sub boys not cowboys) cheered their team on to a perfect 6-0 mark. The term Fall in this trip refers to more than the time of year. First however some highlights:

• Best line of the trip: the anti Ward, Clap, with this line out of nowhere: After Osama told us we’d be paying 13$ extra for his cab due to 7 people in it, and after he then sped over a vicious Texas sized speed bump, Clap uttered the immortal: “now you can use the $13 bucks to fix your fucking muffler”
• Best eating display: Club Sub takes down 100 wings (minus 5 on the floor) at buffalo wild wings
• Most used lines:
  • 1. “Down, and to the left” said numerous times at Dealey plaza.
  • 2. “That’s ok, we know how you treat guests from the Northeast, we just left Dealey plaza” (Flanagan to numerous Texans)
  • (side note - best comeback to #2: “he should have sped up the limo”
  • 3. “Fuck the Cowboys”
  • 4. “Fuck you hillbillies”
  • 5. “How could he put Gagne in?”
  • 6. “How many wings would Mud have eaten?”
  • 7. “I’m tapping out” Fic announcing he’d be going to bed after a night of booze and poker, and after he was already sleeping for 2 hours on the couch.
  • 8. “I have a confession to make, I used your toothbrush… again” Scheemer to yung Flanagan
  • 9. “what color toothbrush should I buy that you won’t mistake? Flanagan to Scheemer
  • 10. “Get a toy one like Winnie the pooh or something” Scheemer to Flanagan.
  • 11. Good morning Crash: Dan V to Flanagan, day of departure.
• The “you spoke to soon award” to Big Sloppy: “I keep hearing about Fic and Flanagan and haven’t seen anything”
• The “ keep pushing even after you’re done award” to Fic for announcing that there was a chance we could have gotten private box tickets from his wifes cousin who is a big shot at 7 UP
• The 2^nd best Clap quote award: “Fic let’s see if your cousin is working”-after the van passed a 7 Eleven
• Pregame notes: arriving before sunrise, Club sub was pumped from the start, with eats, drinks and football keeping all entertained. Locals began arriving, seemingly with their houses hitched to their ford chevy trucks. They take “this is our country” serious btw. Full screen tvs, Dish satellites, aquariums and lawnmowers (ok I made the last 2 up) were everywhere in the parking lot. Additionally there was a clear hatred toward the patriots, visible by the following:
  • 1. The Tom Brady dummy hanging in effigy wearing a dress
  • 2. the sign on the 1 port a potty in the parking lot (thanks jerry jones you big spender) that said: Patriots locker room
  • 3. the signs hinting that belichek cheats, each one consistently misspelling belichek
• The game began with our national anthem, sung by a hillbilly. With the crowd at attention, quiet and respectful, Billy Ray Cyrus gave the typical pause after the OH Say can you see…which was filled by yung flanagan’s scream “T.O. SUCKS!” which did not go over well with the locals.
• The game was very exciting though marred by the halftime display in which Dallas recognized Michael Irving for something other than being a criminal. During this sham, he referred to having 3 key things, to which Flanagan, unrepentant after his Anthem incident, screamed: yeah “A Bag, A razor, and Cocaine” this also did not go over well
• It was at some point in the 2^nd half after the Patriots pulled away that things turned heated, as the Hitman entered into a verbal match with one Cleetus A. Cleetus, who with one foot and a flight of stairs separating them, invited the Hitman into the parking lot for what one could only assume would have been then end of Cleetus’s life. Or the HitMan getting shot.
• It was also at this time that Flanagan finally came up with a retort for the hillbilly who was ringing the cowbell 5 rows in front of us. “For whom the bell tolls Hillbilly, it tolls for thee!” Surprisingly this did not go over well. It led to the Hitman admonishing Flanagan, not about the comment but for saying that Edgar Allen Poe wrote the book rather than Heminway. It then led to a cowboy fan taking umbrage at being called a hillbilly yet knowing that Edgar Allen Poe was from Baltimore, not from Providence, as proclaimed by Flanagan. Ah the pen is mightier than the sword.

We all left together, no fights, more celebrating, and that was the end of a great trip!

Oh alright already. Flanagan either started running in circles or was running a pass route, depending on who you listen too. What is incontrovertible is that he had no ability to walk, run, or run in circles. In the greatest case of cosmic justice since the Last Seinfeld episode, Flanagan, who was never touched by a cowboy fan, face planted in the pavement. In even more irony, he has to make 2 presentations this week and read at a wedding. In even more irony, all right fuck it I’m a dick.

After this incident and recovery, the morale of this tale has not been lost on Flanagan. For future trips he is absolutely positively going to buy a novelty toothbrush.

Great trip everyone! Hope to be re invited some year.