Sunday, August 30, 2009
State of The Sub Address
Saturday August 29, 2009
9:22 pm
From the VP's Mansion
Before we begin, let's all bow our heads as Clap will lead us in a moment of silence. Clap take it away.
First, I would like to thank the VP, Frank White and his wife, for hosting this occasion in his huge house. Please don't disturb the 4 parties going on upstairs and the wedding going on downstairs.
Before we look back I'm going to give a State of the Sub in terms of Economic and Domestic policies.
First, on the economic front, your President, with all my financial savvy, unfortunately invested all Club Sub's money in sub prime, because I thought I was buying the world's biggest prime rib sub.
Now as you know, the economy continues to stumble, with very high unemployment. Kevin Badway, as an example, has really had a tough time finding work, apparently references from Hezbollah do not help your chances.
Club Sub believes very strongly in jumping onto the hottest industries, for example our recent forays into mail delivery and teaching at Catholic schools. Next, we plan on expanding our effort into typewriter sales. Now that said, unlike most organizations that plan on expanding, we don't plan on expanding, except of course at the waistline.
Now for insurance purposes, Club Sub needed to reduce our average age per member. Therefore, we inducted Big Sloppy, and we did lower our average age. Unfortunately our average life expectancy also shortened dramatically.
While on the topic of insurance, as members of Club Sub, you all get universal health coverage, which like the Obama plan includes mandatory euthanasia, and no Schemer that does not mean youths from Asia.
Now onto foreign and domestic policy.
President Obama believes we should be more willing to talk to our enemies, I agree, and I say "Hello Taco Bell"!
As you know, Club Sub believes in a male dominated society, males must be dominated by their wives. Speaking of which, I've asked the First Lady to weigh in on domestic policy. You'll note the Club Sub first lady is much like Michelle Obama, in that she believes in the right to bare bombs. But we would all do well to listen to her memorable words: "It takes an entire village to raise a Fuckin Child"!!!
Now we've finished our policy review, let's move onto reviewing the past and looking forward.
Looking back, it's quite amazing that no Club Sub member has yet died, however I wouldn't be buying any green bananas, and I'm talking to you Matt C.
We inducted many new members, including, Conca a belligerent drunk, who possibly joined the one organization more irrelevant than the post office.
It's clear that compared to 20 years ago, there have been a tremendous number of innovations in society. Yet many of these are new words in society but old to Club Sub. For example:
Twitter- The expression the Hitman gets after shitting a blueberry.
HD- Hide the Deaf people DaPrez is here.
Google- How many people Googs has screwed out of money.
Wireless- How the Hitman used to get out of bed.
Facebook- The effect of Mud reading a cookbook.
Cash For Clunkers- The money we used to pay the Wards to stop telling their stories.
Speaking of cash for clunkers, think about our shit boxes 20 years ago; we had the reliant K car, Mud's hooptie, the dodge omni, the buick regal, the hornet, and many other classics. We'd all be millionaires if Cash for Clunkers were around back then.
Now let's take a look forward. The next 20 years will all be about family; Family restaurants, Family buffet, and the Family guy.
We all look forward to gorging on food and drink, but enough about the football trip.
And hopefully we will induct some new members. To that end, today we are officially inducting two honorary members, in Matt C and Frank Sinatra. Matt went through the most rigorous initiation ever, in that he acquired cancer just to join. Much more difficult than grabbing tp off an empty bus, Big Sloppy. To Mr. Sinatra, we owe you a bit of gratitude for making boozing, smoking, carousing, and calling women broads acceptable. If you think about it, he's the Club Sub role model. By the way, Matt, could you please do us all a favor, and we mean this- please tell Frank "thank you" when you see him shortly.
And with that raise your glasses- To Matt, to Vegas 2011, and to CLUB SUB!!!!
9:22 pm
From the VP's Mansion
Before we begin, let's all bow our heads as Clap will lead us in a moment of silence. Clap take it away.
First, I would like to thank the VP, Frank White and his wife, for hosting this occasion in his huge house. Please don't disturb the 4 parties going on upstairs and the wedding going on downstairs.
Before we look back I'm going to give a State of the Sub in terms of Economic and Domestic policies.
First, on the economic front, your President, with all my financial savvy, unfortunately invested all Club Sub's money in sub prime, because I thought I was buying the world's biggest prime rib sub.
Now as you know, the economy continues to stumble, with very high unemployment. Kevin Badway, as an example, has really had a tough time finding work, apparently references from Hezbollah do not help your chances.
Club Sub believes very strongly in jumping onto the hottest industries, for example our recent forays into mail delivery and teaching at Catholic schools. Next, we plan on expanding our effort into typewriter sales. Now that said, unlike most organizations that plan on expanding, we don't plan on expanding, except of course at the waistline.
Now for insurance purposes, Club Sub needed to reduce our average age per member. Therefore, we inducted Big Sloppy, and we did lower our average age. Unfortunately our average life expectancy also shortened dramatically.
While on the topic of insurance, as members of Club Sub, you all get universal health coverage, which like the Obama plan includes mandatory euthanasia, and no Schemer that does not mean youths from Asia.
Now onto foreign and domestic policy.
President Obama believes we should be more willing to talk to our enemies, I agree, and I say "Hello Taco Bell"!
As you know, Club Sub believes in a male dominated society, males must be dominated by their wives. Speaking of which, I've asked the First Lady to weigh in on domestic policy. You'll note the Club Sub first lady is much like Michelle Obama, in that she believes in the right to bare bombs. But we would all do well to listen to her memorable words: "It takes an entire village to raise a Fuckin Child"!!!
Now we've finished our policy review, let's move onto reviewing the past and looking forward.
Looking back, it's quite amazing that no Club Sub member has yet died, however I wouldn't be buying any green bananas, and I'm talking to you Matt C.
We inducted many new members, including, Conca a belligerent drunk, who possibly joined the one organization more irrelevant than the post office.
It's clear that compared to 20 years ago, there have been a tremendous number of innovations in society. Yet many of these are new words in society but old to Club Sub. For example:
Twitter- The expression the Hitman gets after shitting a blueberry.
HD- Hide the Deaf people DaPrez is here.
Google- How many people Googs has screwed out of money.
Wireless- How the Hitman used to get out of bed.
Facebook- The effect of Mud reading a cookbook.
Cash For Clunkers- The money we used to pay the Wards to stop telling their stories.
Speaking of cash for clunkers, think about our shit boxes 20 years ago; we had the reliant K car, Mud's hooptie, the dodge omni, the buick regal, the hornet, and many other classics. We'd all be millionaires if Cash for Clunkers were around back then.
Now let's take a look forward. The next 20 years will all be about family; Family restaurants, Family buffet, and the Family guy.
We all look forward to gorging on food and drink, but enough about the football trip.
And hopefully we will induct some new members. To that end, today we are officially inducting two honorary members, in Matt C and Frank Sinatra. Matt went through the most rigorous initiation ever, in that he acquired cancer just to join. Much more difficult than grabbing tp off an empty bus, Big Sloppy. To Mr. Sinatra, we owe you a bit of gratitude for making boozing, smoking, carousing, and calling women broads acceptable. If you think about it, he's the Club Sub role model. By the way, Matt, could you please do us all a favor, and we mean this- please tell Frank "thank you" when you see him shortly.
And with that raise your glasses- To Matt, to Vegas 2011, and to CLUB SUB!!!!
Club Sub Celebrates 20 years of Chaos
Last night Club Sub held a huge bash at the VP's (Frank White's) house during Hurricane Danni. I plan on updating the blog with DaPrez's state of the sub address and pictures of the insanity in the coming days. To all that were there, thanks for a great memorable time.
-DaPrez
-DaPrez
Friday, August 21, 2009
Club Sub 20th Anniversary Party
Saturday August 29th at the VP's mansion. This will be epic!!!
Club Sub 20th, festivity schedule
These festivities may be followed in their entirety, not at all or somewhere in between. As always with Club Sub, there are no rules, except to drink.
Time:
4:00-6:00 Arrivals, Bocce on the South lawn, cheese and crackers. Mud is funny, police are called for first time, and Ward stories have just started. At 4:05 the First Lady calls her husband a “fking ahole” for the first of hundreds of times this night.
6-630 1980’s liquor raffle: bring one /bottle/can from the youthful days of drinking. They will be raffled off, as you "win" the raffle, u have the option of actually taking a drink of whatever it is. Conca “volunteers” to finish everyone’s drink for them. Mrs Conca is not amused, though she is smoking, in the house. VP has not yet noticed.
700: Father Mark blesses us all and saves us from hell. The Schemer provides a Nazi blessing.
705: Dinner
735 The Hitman and wife arrives. Now its a party. Mud’s last few jokes have bombed.
800: Results of the Gallup Poll of the Greatest Club Sub Moment of All time
800-900 Post Dinner Cigar. Tilt takes over for story time from the Wards. Mud is funny again.
900: “State of the Sub” speech from DaPrez. Watch as DaPrez uses his Obama like quality of relying on the telemprompter while never making eye contact with those he ridicules.
> 915-10:00 Enter Mr Frank Sinatra…. On the IPOD, and space cleared for those inclined to dance. That Guy takes over the dance floor and an impromptu “so you think you can dance” competition breaks out.
> 1000 After all that exercise, desert is served. Mud has turned into Carrot Top. Matt has spit a mountain of sunflower seeds in the back yard which is so high the town wants to tax it. The Beerman, to relive the old days, begins to bet money that he’ll eat anything off the deck in the yard. Matt bets him he can’t eat the mountain of used sunflower seeds. Everyone turns away.
> 1100 Late night Scotch in the Sinatra room, or on deck with cigar. If anyone brings scotch. VP now realizes that Mrs Conca was smoking in the house, but no longer cares as he is now doing so as well, with a cigar.
> 1200 20 minute poker tournament downstairs. All invited: Rules as follows: blinds double every hand. This will be quick and epic. Big Sloppy bluffs every hand and wins. Mud is Seinfeld. Conca has fallen asleep, though we’re not sure where he is.
>
> 1230 Massive game of drunk Seinfeld scene it, all involved. Or any other games. Games get increasingly better the drunker everyone is. Mud’s nuts make their first appearance. Not funny.
1000 am. Massive headache. Mud is funny.
Club Sub 20th, festivity schedule
These festivities may be followed in their entirety, not at all or somewhere in between. As always with Club Sub, there are no rules, except to drink.
Time:
4:00-6:00 Arrivals, Bocce on the South lawn, cheese and crackers. Mud is funny, police are called for first time, and Ward stories have just started. At 4:05 the First Lady calls her husband a “fking ahole” for the first of hundreds of times this night.
6-630 1980’s liquor raffle: bring one /bottle/can from the youthful days of drinking. They will be raffled off, as you "win" the raffle, u have the option of actually taking a drink of whatever it is. Conca “volunteers” to finish everyone’s drink for them. Mrs Conca is not amused, though she is smoking, in the house. VP has not yet noticed.
700: Father Mark blesses us all and saves us from hell. The Schemer provides a Nazi blessing.
705: Dinner
735 The Hitman and wife arrives. Now its a party. Mud’s last few jokes have bombed.
800: Results of the Gallup Poll of the Greatest Club Sub Moment of All time
800-900 Post Dinner Cigar. Tilt takes over for story time from the Wards. Mud is funny again.
900: “State of the Sub” speech from DaPrez. Watch as DaPrez uses his Obama like quality of relying on the telemprompter while never making eye contact with those he ridicules.
> 915-10:00 Enter Mr Frank Sinatra…. On the IPOD, and space cleared for those inclined to dance. That Guy takes over the dance floor and an impromptu “so you think you can dance” competition breaks out.
> 1000 After all that exercise, desert is served. Mud has turned into Carrot Top. Matt has spit a mountain of sunflower seeds in the back yard which is so high the town wants to tax it. The Beerman, to relive the old days, begins to bet money that he’ll eat anything off the deck in the yard. Matt bets him he can’t eat the mountain of used sunflower seeds. Everyone turns away.
> 1100 Late night Scotch in the Sinatra room, or on deck with cigar. If anyone brings scotch. VP now realizes that Mrs Conca was smoking in the house, but no longer cares as he is now doing so as well, with a cigar.
> 1200 20 minute poker tournament downstairs. All invited: Rules as follows: blinds double every hand. This will be quick and epic. Big Sloppy bluffs every hand and wins. Mud is Seinfeld. Conca has fallen asleep, though we’re not sure where he is.
>
> 1230 Massive game of drunk Seinfeld scene it, all involved. Or any other games. Games get increasingly better the drunker everyone is. Mud’s nuts make their first appearance. Not funny.
1000 am. Massive headache. Mud is funny.
Friday, May 15, 2009
50 Greatest Charles Barkley Quotes
50 greatest Barkley Quotes...
50. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."
49. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."
48. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."
47. "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."
46. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."
45. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.
44. Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota?"
Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"
43. Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."
42. On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
41. "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."
40. Ernie: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."
Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"
39. "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."
38. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?"
Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."
37. "*** Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."
36. Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."
35. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."
34. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'
33. After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"
32. Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."
31. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."
30. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."
29. Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"
28. Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.
27. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."
26. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".
24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are2 going to hell for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."
23. "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."
22. "I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."
21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."
20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."
19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."
18. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."
17. To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"
16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."
15. On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."
14. "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."
13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."
12. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.
11. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."
10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."
9. "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.
8. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."
7. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."
6. "Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."-- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts
5. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."
4. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."
3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."
2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"
1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."
50. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."
49. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."
48. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."
47. "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."
46. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."
45. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.
44. Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota?"
Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"
43. Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."
42. On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
41. "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."
40. Ernie: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."
Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"
39. "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."
38. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?"
Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."
37. "*** Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."
36. Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."
35. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."
34. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'
33. After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"
32. Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."
31. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."
30. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."
29. Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"
28. Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.
27. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."
26. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".
24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are2 going to hell for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."
23. "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."
22. "I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."
21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."
20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."
19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."
18. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."
17. To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"
16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."
15. On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."
14. "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."
13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."
12. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.
11. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."
10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."
9. "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.
8. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."
7. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."
6. "Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."-- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts
5. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."
4. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."
3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."
2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"
1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
Mud's 2008 Club Sub Fantasy Football Postmortem
Greetings CS members and friends, and Happy Holidays! Mud's back again to berate you all.
As I was counting out my winnings from this year's CSFFL (winner and top point-scorer), I thought it would be fun to post an end-of-year report. I'll break down each team, their luck (or lack thereof) and basically sum up my feelings in memoir form. We'll break it down by season-end finish.
1. Mud's Team- flat-out untouchable. Lost a few games due to Tony Romo's injury, but otherwise, a dominating performance. Be sure to visit the Records area at the beginning of next season, because this team captured several of them.
GM grade: A+. Expect anything less? A mid-year deal with the Rat and That Guy got him Larry Fitzgerald in exchange for DeAngelo Williams. This was a great deal for both teams. Mud was deep at RB, weak at wideout, and Fitzie put this team over the top. Props to the WBs for this one. You ended up with the best RB in the league. Makes it interesting come keeper time, doesn't it?
Avg points per game: 120.4.
2. Del's Destroyers- I have to give this team props here. Made it to the finals, and that is commendable. I am proud of you.
But in fairness to Tilt, this was more matchups than anything else...
Also, and only because you were talking smack, I have to justify my feeling that the Frank Gore-Kurt Warner/Lee Evans deal was not a good deal for you. See here's the thing- there are many more good QBs in Fantasy than RBs. Therefore, if you have a good running back, you MUST keep him, unless you were 5 deep, like I was.
Breakdown:
Avg points for Del's Destroyers, pre-trade: 97
Avg points for Del's Destroyers, post-trade: 87
That said, again, you made it to the finals, and that is commendable. I'm not trying to take that away from you.
GM Grade: B-. Other than that deal, I felt you did a solid job, and drafted well....
WTF Moment of the Year: in the final, Warner (who you had) struggled against the Pats. They pulled him. Leinart (his replacement) then threw a TD to pass to Larry Fitzgerald, who I had. Wouldn't have made a difference, but WTF?
Avg points per game: 92.5
3. Ward Boys- as usual, made a run at it. You guys don't give up, and I give you credit for that. You got unlucky in the playoffs. You made a great deal for DA Williams- again, a deal that helped both teams. I don't know what else to say, other than "You see, we're putting cover sheets on our TPS reports now."
GM Grade: A.
Avg points per game: 112
4. Fighting Amish- Where the Hell did this guy come from? Apparently 8-5-1 was good enough for the playoffs? Our league is crap...At one point, had the 2 best RBs in the league in Braber and Portis and then inexplicably, he GOT BETTER AS THEY GOT WORSE. I'm interested to see who gets kept here...
GM Grade: C. Good draft, but not much else. But made the playoffs, and there is something to be said for that....
Avg points per game: 89.6
5. Tilt's Team- A blatant miscarriage of justice. You been...Hoodwinked! Bamboozeled! How did this team not make the playoffs? Matchups, apparently. Just unfortunate. However, karma was not on your side after you made the Warner-Gore deal. The Blue Man was displeased with you, Malachi. (that's from "Children of the Corn". Malachi was played by Courney Gains, one of the greatest teen-character actors in history..He was awesome in "Colors".) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0301381/.
Seriously, though...Honestly one of the best performances for a non-playoff-making-team EVER.
GM Grade: A-. Deserved better after stealing Gore in exchange for his backup QB.
Avg points per game: (BC- don't read this, it'll only make you angry) : 116.
6. DaPrez- Performed admirably, but was killed by the demise of LT as a running back. Sad to see. DaPrez hitched his wagon to San Diego's offense, which turned into Amodie and Sons Builders down the stretch. Good news, though- you get to participate in the draft lottery! Whoo-hoo! Now you get to be as miserable as the rest of us when you see the 8th pick with your name on it (known as the Al Conca memorial draft pick). But at least you won this league once and you can tell me to screw. Good times! Question- who will you keep? My bet is on Ronnie Brown. I don't see anyone else there...Maybe Rivers, but he raped you in the shower after he paid off the guards...
GM Grade: C-. Wanted to go with D here, but it's not entirely your fault...
Avg points per game: 109.9 (what's the matter? Not good enough to get to 110? Ha ha!)
7. Hot Corner- It appears his team did retire midway thru the season, as I suspected they would. Somehow this team was high man twice this season, which is astounding. This team needs a complete overhaul, which, as it turns out, happens to every team. What a bunch of stiffs.
GM Grade: D - His head coach should be fired, a la Mangini...
Avg points per game: 94.4
8. The Clapp- Burns while urinating. Ha ha! Always wanted to use that one. Hung in there in his first season. Managed to get thru the death of Larry Johnson, the up and down season of Brian Westbrook, and Wes Welkers consistent weekly stat line of 10 catches, 103 yards, and no touchdowns.
GM Grade: D-. but hey, he is the new guy. Cut him some slack.
Avg points per game: 94.4
9. Club Sub Convicts- you know that heads are going to roll this offseason. He's going to run out and sign Mark Texiera, CC Sabathia, and AJ Burnett. Expect big money to come rolling out of his wallet like a dust-covered condom. What he should do is save his money and use it to purchase a new back. He's got no one that I would keep, that's for sure...
GM Grade: L. L is for LOSER. Cuz that's what he is - a LOSER. He's a big LOSER. Or it could be for "Legislation". That's right, folks- expect new rules this offseason that benefit him only. Like, "The Commish gets the number 1 pick".
Avg points per game: 93
10. Warriors- This team had a pitiful year. It took 11 weeks for Peyton Manning to round into form, and by that time, it was too late. Ladell Betts got a start for him. Ladell Betts! What happened, Tony Collins wasn't available? He does have some talent to keep however- Roddy White emerged as Matt Ryan's favorite target. Whoa, stop the presses! CF could have beaten this team this year.
GM Grade: F
Avg points per game: 90.4
11. The Schemers- Victimized by the Tom Brady injury and Tom Cruise (Tom Cruise!) as a Nazi officer, this team just never got going. Maurice Jones-Drew once again f'd a FF owner. On the good side, I finally finished "Battle Cry of Freedom" by James McPherson, and will have it in the car so the next time I see you I will give it to you. Also, if you haven't read "Team of Rivals" by Doris Kearns-Goodwin, I highly recommend it. It's a detailed look at Lincoln's cabinet and how their mutual hatred of one another resulted in a very effective dynamic. Did you read the other McPherson book about Lincoln as a commander-in-chief? I forgot the name of it, and was hoping you could let me know if it's worth picking up.
GM Grade: E+
Avg points per game: 97.6
12. Cosmo Kramer ASSMAN- This guy has 2 claims to fame. Great avatars, and he beat Mud this year in one of the biggest fiascos of the season. Randy Moss had 629 yards and 12 touchdowns that game, and ASSMAN beat Mud by 2 points. Yikes. What a horrendous season for this guy. He didn't draft a single starting RB. In this league, this means that your team will not be very good. Tomorrow we'll talk about shapes and colors!
GM Grade: F He would have had a Q, but the avitars were just too good.
Avg points per game: 80.4. I'm speechless.
So there you have it folks...Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night. Please feel free to blow it on out your ass, m'kay?
As I was counting out my winnings from this year's CSFFL (winner and top point-scorer), I thought it would be fun to post an end-of-year report. I'll break down each team, their luck (or lack thereof) and basically sum up my feelings in memoir form. We'll break it down by season-end finish.
1. Mud's Team- flat-out untouchable. Lost a few games due to Tony Romo's injury, but otherwise, a dominating performance. Be sure to visit the Records area at the beginning of next season, because this team captured several of them.
GM grade: A+. Expect anything less? A mid-year deal with the Rat and That Guy got him Larry Fitzgerald in exchange for DeAngelo Williams. This was a great deal for both teams. Mud was deep at RB, weak at wideout, and Fitzie put this team over the top. Props to the WBs for this one. You ended up with the best RB in the league. Makes it interesting come keeper time, doesn't it?
Avg points per game: 120.4.
2. Del's Destroyers- I have to give this team props here. Made it to the finals, and that is commendable. I am proud of you.
But in fairness to Tilt, this was more matchups than anything else...
Also, and only because you were talking smack, I have to justify my feeling that the Frank Gore-Kurt Warner/Lee Evans deal was not a good deal for you. See here's the thing- there are many more good QBs in Fantasy than RBs. Therefore, if you have a good running back, you MUST keep him, unless you were 5 deep, like I was.
Breakdown:
Avg points for Del's Destroyers, pre-trade: 97
Avg points for Del's Destroyers, post-trade: 87
That said, again, you made it to the finals, and that is commendable. I'm not trying to take that away from you.
GM Grade: B-. Other than that deal, I felt you did a solid job, and drafted well....
WTF Moment of the Year: in the final, Warner (who you had) struggled against the Pats. They pulled him. Leinart (his replacement) then threw a TD to pass to Larry Fitzgerald, who I had. Wouldn't have made a difference, but WTF?
Avg points per game: 92.5
3. Ward Boys- as usual, made a run at it. You guys don't give up, and I give you credit for that. You got unlucky in the playoffs. You made a great deal for DA Williams- again, a deal that helped both teams. I don't know what else to say, other than "You see, we're putting cover sheets on our TPS reports now."
GM Grade: A.
Avg points per game: 112
4. Fighting Amish- Where the Hell did this guy come from? Apparently 8-5-1 was good enough for the playoffs? Our league is crap...At one point, had the 2 best RBs in the league in Braber and Portis and then inexplicably, he GOT BETTER AS THEY GOT WORSE. I'm interested to see who gets kept here...
GM Grade: C. Good draft, but not much else. But made the playoffs, and there is something to be said for that....
Avg points per game: 89.6
5. Tilt's Team- A blatant miscarriage of justice. You been...Hoodwinked! Bamboozeled! How did this team not make the playoffs? Matchups, apparently. Just unfortunate. However, karma was not on your side after you made the Warner-Gore deal. The Blue Man was displeased with you, Malachi. (that's from "Children of the Corn". Malachi was played by Courney Gains, one of the greatest teen-character actors in history..He was awesome in "Colors".) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0301381/.
Seriously, though...Honestly one of the best performances for a non-playoff-making-team EVER.
GM Grade: A-. Deserved better after stealing Gore in exchange for his backup QB.
Avg points per game: (BC- don't read this, it'll only make you angry) : 116.
6. DaPrez- Performed admirably, but was killed by the demise of LT as a running back. Sad to see. DaPrez hitched his wagon to San Diego's offense, which turned into Amodie and Sons Builders down the stretch. Good news, though- you get to participate in the draft lottery! Whoo-hoo! Now you get to be as miserable as the rest of us when you see the 8th pick with your name on it (known as the Al Conca memorial draft pick). But at least you won this league once and you can tell me to screw. Good times! Question- who will you keep? My bet is on Ronnie Brown. I don't see anyone else there...Maybe Rivers, but he raped you in the shower after he paid off the guards...
GM Grade: C-. Wanted to go with D here, but it's not entirely your fault...
Avg points per game: 109.9 (what's the matter? Not good enough to get to 110? Ha ha!)
7. Hot Corner- It appears his team did retire midway thru the season, as I suspected they would. Somehow this team was high man twice this season, which is astounding. This team needs a complete overhaul, which, as it turns out, happens to every team. What a bunch of stiffs.
GM Grade: D - His head coach should be fired, a la Mangini...
Avg points per game: 94.4
8. The Clapp- Burns while urinating. Ha ha! Always wanted to use that one. Hung in there in his first season. Managed to get thru the death of Larry Johnson, the up and down season of Brian Westbrook, and Wes Welkers consistent weekly stat line of 10 catches, 103 yards, and no touchdowns.
GM Grade: D-. but hey, he is the new guy. Cut him some slack.
Avg points per game: 94.4
9. Club Sub Convicts- you know that heads are going to roll this offseason. He's going to run out and sign Mark Texiera, CC Sabathia, and AJ Burnett. Expect big money to come rolling out of his wallet like a dust-covered condom. What he should do is save his money and use it to purchase a new back. He's got no one that I would keep, that's for sure...
GM Grade: L. L is for LOSER. Cuz that's what he is - a LOSER. He's a big LOSER. Or it could be for "Legislation". That's right, folks- expect new rules this offseason that benefit him only. Like, "The Commish gets the number 1 pick".
Avg points per game: 93
10. Warriors- This team had a pitiful year. It took 11 weeks for Peyton Manning to round into form, and by that time, it was too late. Ladell Betts got a start for him. Ladell Betts! What happened, Tony Collins wasn't available? He does have some talent to keep however- Roddy White emerged as Matt Ryan's favorite target. Whoa, stop the presses! CF could have beaten this team this year.
GM Grade: F
Avg points per game: 90.4
11. The Schemers- Victimized by the Tom Brady injury and Tom Cruise (Tom Cruise!) as a Nazi officer, this team just never got going. Maurice Jones-Drew once again f'd a FF owner. On the good side, I finally finished "Battle Cry of Freedom" by James McPherson, and will have it in the car so the next time I see you I will give it to you. Also, if you haven't read "Team of Rivals" by Doris Kearns-Goodwin, I highly recommend it. It's a detailed look at Lincoln's cabinet and how their mutual hatred of one another resulted in a very effective dynamic. Did you read the other McPherson book about Lincoln as a commander-in-chief? I forgot the name of it, and was hoping you could let me know if it's worth picking up.
GM Grade: E+
Avg points per game: 97.6
12. Cosmo Kramer ASSMAN- This guy has 2 claims to fame. Great avatars, and he beat Mud this year in one of the biggest fiascos of the season. Randy Moss had 629 yards and 12 touchdowns that game, and ASSMAN beat Mud by 2 points. Yikes. What a horrendous season for this guy. He didn't draft a single starting RB. In this league, this means that your team will not be very good. Tomorrow we'll talk about shapes and colors!
GM Grade: F He would have had a Q, but the avitars were just too good.
Avg points per game: 80.4. I'm speechless.
So there you have it folks...Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night. Please feel free to blow it on out your ass, m'kay?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Mud's Club Sub Fantasy Football Mid-Year Report
Hi all- can you belive that the fantasy Football season is half-over? Incredible. Seems like only yesterday I was prepared to end up in the draft lottery again.
I thought it would be a good idea to issue some mid-term grades, comment on some situations, and eat some humble pie based on my pre-season preview. I am often wrong, and I usually admit it, so this will be no exception.
Let's look at each team, based on the standings after week 7.
1. Mud's Team 7-0: (note: for the teams that change names often, I will call them just as I did here).
Wow. Wowwee wow-wow-wow. Is this team that good?? I don't think so. Week 7 was eaked out because of Tony Romo's wittle pinky-winkie.(http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tony_womo_out_three_to_four_weeks).
The youth movement is working out, however. But this team will go as Romo goes.
Preseason prediction: 1
Preseason sleeper: All of them. I was right about most. Forte and Slaton have been awesome. Kevin Smith is the best player on a bad team. And DeSean Jackson has figured out how to hold on to the ball long enough to get in the end zone. I've recieved at least 5 trade offers for Forte. NO DICE, BABY.
Grade: A+ (did you really expect anything less? This is my team, for the love of God!)
2. DaPrez 5-2 ok, so I was a little off on this one. LT's injury, while not guresome, has hampered him without question. Jamal Lewis does suck, however- I was right on that one. But Ronnie Brown has been a nice surprise for DaPrez, when he isn't on DaPrez's bench. And Philip Rivers? WTF. But management has always been a question mark, and could bite him in the buttocks when he tries to do things that he shouldn't, like think. Put it on autopilot, buddy.
Preseason prediction: 7
Preseason sleeper: Jonathan Stewart. I was right on this one as well, but Stewart promises to be even better when he pulls a Rae Carruth and has DeAngelo Williams capped. Remember, they both play in Carolina.
Grade: A-
3. Tilt's team 5-2 This team can score. He has 2 of the best quarterbacks in Fantasy this year, which sucks for him because you can only start 1. As I said in the preview, this team's biggest issue is its owner, which was evidenced earlier on when he benched Drew Brees in favor of Kurt Warner's better matchup and cost himself a win. The lesson here: Never ever EVER bench Drew Brees.
Preseason prediction: 2
Preseason sleeper: Rashard Mendenhall. He showed falshes of brilliance until he fumbled away a leg (again, i called this one).
Grade: B+ I'd have given him an A, but when he over-thought his QB situation and cost him a win, well i had to tkae notice. His grade would have been a C, but his Roast of the Commish was classic. Bonus points here.
4. Rat and That Guy 5-2 Will these fuckers ever go away? I mean, come on. It seems like every year these guys just hang around. Kid's got alligator blood. If Peterson really gets going, look out- could be bad news for the rest of us. Fortunately for them, the That Guy front office power move has been squashed by Machiavelli Junior (the Rat) and things are right again in Wland. Also, I was wrong on Donald Driver. Not great, but serviceable.
Preseason prediction: 6
Preseason sleeper: Pierre Thomas. Well, he just sucks, even with the Reggie Bush injury. I think he has been on 4 different rosters so far this year.
Grade: A- I certainly didn't expect them to be in the playoff hunt. Did you?
5. The Fighting Amish 4-3 This guy has the 2 highest-scoring RBs in the league and is 4-3. What does that tell you? The rest of his team is a smelly mound of dung. Derek Anderson SUUUUCCCCKKKSSSSS. He should be at least 5-2.
Preseason prediction: 8
Preseason sleeper: Donnie Avery. Watch out, this guy is turning it on....However he plays in St Louis, which is a detriment.
Grade: C- Barber and Portis and he can't do better than 4-3. Sorry.
6. Del's Destroyers 3-4 Here's where we get into the crud of this league (no offense meant). There are 7 teams in this league that are below .500. That's more than half. And leading the charge? Del's Destroyers! This team is a tweener. Could easily be over .500, but isn't, so too bad. Ryan Grant has underperformed, but I was WAY off on Greg Jennings (and Aaron Rodgers too, for that matter). This is another GM that thinks too much. Notice a trend?
Preseason prediction: 9
Preseason sleeper: Ricky Williams. Mud was wrong! Mud was wrong! But seriously, how long before he gets sick of being on a bad team and sparks up again (if he isn't already)? Can you say "Whizzenator"?
Grade: C Not too much to work with. Gets a D in the draft.
7. The Clapp 3-4 This team is not good. Not good at all. Won 2 in a row, but just not a good team. But the owner is a rookie, and taking that into consideration, not bad results, I suppose. Memo to ownership: There is absolutely NO REASON to take 2 kickers in the draft. Jot that down for next year's draft, where you will probably be picking early. BTW, Larry Johnson has absolutely bent you over and violated you.
Preseason prediction: 4 (My worst pick no doubt)
Preseason sleeper: Matt Ryan. I stand by this one. This guy is only going to get better, and has not hurt his team much, which is impressive for a rookie QB.
Grade: C
8. Club Sub Convicts 3-4 *sniff* *sniff*...Smell that? It's a ridiculous rule change coming down, or a good trade rejected by the Commish. We all know that he is a sore loser, so we can't expect the season to go quietly without an outburst. This team has no RBs, a QB with no heart, and 4 flash-in-the-pan wideouts. What do you expect? Actually, that's wrong- Fat LenDale and Worse Willis are starting to play well. In fariness to him, the "Roast the Commish" thing was a great idea...
Preseason prediction: 10
Preseason sleeper: Ted Ginn Jr. I should have realized that this guy plays for Miami. i think he is a year (or 7) away.
Grade: D Please don't break up my team, Mr Commissioner Sir!!
9. The Warriors 3-4 Another one i was way off on, and i don't know why. I think injuries have hurt this team significantly, as well as Wade Philips being a horrible coach and under-utilizing Felix Jones. But hey, them's the breaks. Can't go to the Super Bowl every year, ya know, Class D or otherwise. Peyton Manning could be done....
Preseason prediction: 3
Preseason sleeper: Felix Jones. I think everyone (except Wade Philips) knows how good this guy is.
Grade: C This guy drafted all of the right guys, but things juts aren't working out. Took a stapler off my desk. Need you to go ahead and move your desk down into Storage BEEEE.
10. Hot Corner 2-5 This team is a complete enigma. 2-5 is a horrible reocrd, but led the league in scoring one week...What the Hell? Wideouts are tremendous, but everything else is crap. However, i can see this team making a second-half push, just before all of this team's players buy condos at The Villages, Florida's Friendliest Hometown, and buy $50,000 golf carts with 22-inch rims.
Preseason prediction: 11
Preseason sleeper: Thomas Jones. Again, I stand by this one. Not stud numbers, but solid. However, they throw too much...
Grade: D
11. The Schemers 1-6 Every Fantasy league this year has an owner who got pooned in the first 7 minutes of the Partiots season. The support group meets on Tuesday nights. As I said in the preview, injuries would hurt this team. However, even I had no idea it would be THIS bad. But here's another rookie owner, and I expect big things from him next year.
Preseason prediction: 5th (I was WAY off...Samsonite!)
Preseason sleeper: Eddie Royal. Another one i was right on! Holy shit!
Grade C This guy got screwed, but is doing his best to field a serviceable team each week, which is commendable.
12. CAPTAIN MORGAN MEN 1-6 Far and away the worst team in this league. For more info, read the season preview. Again. Sorry HRD, but I was dead on here.
Preseason prediction: 12 (wow, huh?)
Preseason sleeper: Darren Sproles. Not sure why San Diego, which is German for "a whale's vagina", wouldn't just sit LT down for a couple of weeks to get healthy. You are not losing much by having Sproles out there.
Grade A+ BEST....AVITARS....EVER.
There you have it. Good luck to all in the 2nd half of the season. And if you don't like what i have to say, feel free to blow it out your ass. As usual. Peace!
I thought it would be a good idea to issue some mid-term grades, comment on some situations, and eat some humble pie based on my pre-season preview. I am often wrong, and I usually admit it, so this will be no exception.
Let's look at each team, based on the standings after week 7.
1. Mud's Team 7-0: (note: for the teams that change names often, I will call them just as I did here).
Wow. Wowwee wow-wow-wow. Is this team that good?? I don't think so. Week 7 was eaked out because of Tony Romo's wittle pinky-winkie.(http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tony_womo_out_three_to_four_weeks).
The youth movement is working out, however. But this team will go as Romo goes.
Preseason prediction: 1
Preseason sleeper: All of them. I was right about most. Forte and Slaton have been awesome. Kevin Smith is the best player on a bad team. And DeSean Jackson has figured out how to hold on to the ball long enough to get in the end zone. I've recieved at least 5 trade offers for Forte. NO DICE, BABY.
Grade: A+ (did you really expect anything less? This is my team, for the love of God!)
2. DaPrez 5-2 ok, so I was a little off on this one. LT's injury, while not guresome, has hampered him without question. Jamal Lewis does suck, however- I was right on that one. But Ronnie Brown has been a nice surprise for DaPrez, when he isn't on DaPrez's bench. And Philip Rivers? WTF. But management has always been a question mark, and could bite him in the buttocks when he tries to do things that he shouldn't, like think. Put it on autopilot, buddy.
Preseason prediction: 7
Preseason sleeper: Jonathan Stewart. I was right on this one as well, but Stewart promises to be even better when he pulls a Rae Carruth and has DeAngelo Williams capped. Remember, they both play in Carolina.
Grade: A-
3. Tilt's team 5-2 This team can score. He has 2 of the best quarterbacks in Fantasy this year, which sucks for him because you can only start 1. As I said in the preview, this team's biggest issue is its owner, which was evidenced earlier on when he benched Drew Brees in favor of Kurt Warner's better matchup and cost himself a win. The lesson here: Never ever EVER bench Drew Brees.
Preseason prediction: 2
Preseason sleeper: Rashard Mendenhall. He showed falshes of brilliance until he fumbled away a leg (again, i called this one).
Grade: B+ I'd have given him an A, but when he over-thought his QB situation and cost him a win, well i had to tkae notice. His grade would have been a C, but his Roast of the Commish was classic. Bonus points here.
4. Rat and That Guy 5-2 Will these fuckers ever go away? I mean, come on. It seems like every year these guys just hang around. Kid's got alligator blood. If Peterson really gets going, look out- could be bad news for the rest of us. Fortunately for them, the That Guy front office power move has been squashed by Machiavelli Junior (the Rat) and things are right again in Wland. Also, I was wrong on Donald Driver. Not great, but serviceable.
Preseason prediction: 6
Preseason sleeper: Pierre Thomas. Well, he just sucks, even with the Reggie Bush injury. I think he has been on 4 different rosters so far this year.
Grade: A- I certainly didn't expect them to be in the playoff hunt. Did you?
5. The Fighting Amish 4-3 This guy has the 2 highest-scoring RBs in the league and is 4-3. What does that tell you? The rest of his team is a smelly mound of dung. Derek Anderson SUUUUCCCCKKKSSSSS. He should be at least 5-2.
Preseason prediction: 8
Preseason sleeper: Donnie Avery. Watch out, this guy is turning it on....However he plays in St Louis, which is a detriment.
Grade: C- Barber and Portis and he can't do better than 4-3. Sorry.
6. Del's Destroyers 3-4 Here's where we get into the crud of this league (no offense meant). There are 7 teams in this league that are below .500. That's more than half. And leading the charge? Del's Destroyers! This team is a tweener. Could easily be over .500, but isn't, so too bad. Ryan Grant has underperformed, but I was WAY off on Greg Jennings (and Aaron Rodgers too, for that matter). This is another GM that thinks too much. Notice a trend?
Preseason prediction: 9
Preseason sleeper: Ricky Williams. Mud was wrong! Mud was wrong! But seriously, how long before he gets sick of being on a bad team and sparks up again (if he isn't already)? Can you say "Whizzenator"?
Grade: C Not too much to work with. Gets a D in the draft.
7. The Clapp 3-4 This team is not good. Not good at all. Won 2 in a row, but just not a good team. But the owner is a rookie, and taking that into consideration, not bad results, I suppose. Memo to ownership: There is absolutely NO REASON to take 2 kickers in the draft. Jot that down for next year's draft, where you will probably be picking early. BTW, Larry Johnson has absolutely bent you over and violated you.
Preseason prediction: 4 (My worst pick no doubt)
Preseason sleeper: Matt Ryan. I stand by this one. This guy is only going to get better, and has not hurt his team much, which is impressive for a rookie QB.
Grade: C
8. Club Sub Convicts 3-4 *sniff* *sniff*...Smell that? It's a ridiculous rule change coming down, or a good trade rejected by the Commish. We all know that he is a sore loser, so we can't expect the season to go quietly without an outburst. This team has no RBs, a QB with no heart, and 4 flash-in-the-pan wideouts. What do you expect? Actually, that's wrong- Fat LenDale and Worse Willis are starting to play well. In fariness to him, the "Roast the Commish" thing was a great idea...
Preseason prediction: 10
Preseason sleeper: Ted Ginn Jr. I should have realized that this guy plays for Miami. i think he is a year (or 7) away.
Grade: D Please don't break up my team, Mr Commissioner Sir!!
9. The Warriors 3-4 Another one i was way off on, and i don't know why. I think injuries have hurt this team significantly, as well as Wade Philips being a horrible coach and under-utilizing Felix Jones. But hey, them's the breaks. Can't go to the Super Bowl every year, ya know, Class D or otherwise. Peyton Manning could be done....
Preseason prediction: 3
Preseason sleeper: Felix Jones. I think everyone (except Wade Philips) knows how good this guy is.
Grade: C This guy drafted all of the right guys, but things juts aren't working out. Took a stapler off my desk. Need you to go ahead and move your desk down into Storage BEEEE.
10. Hot Corner 2-5 This team is a complete enigma. 2-5 is a horrible reocrd, but led the league in scoring one week...What the Hell? Wideouts are tremendous, but everything else is crap. However, i can see this team making a second-half push, just before all of this team's players buy condos at The Villages, Florida's Friendliest Hometown, and buy $50,000 golf carts with 22-inch rims.
Preseason prediction: 11
Preseason sleeper: Thomas Jones. Again, I stand by this one. Not stud numbers, but solid. However, they throw too much...
Grade: D
11. The Schemers 1-6 Every Fantasy league this year has an owner who got pooned in the first 7 minutes of the Partiots season. The support group meets on Tuesday nights. As I said in the preview, injuries would hurt this team. However, even I had no idea it would be THIS bad. But here's another rookie owner, and I expect big things from him next year.
Preseason prediction: 5th (I was WAY off...Samsonite!)
Preseason sleeper: Eddie Royal. Another one i was right on! Holy shit!
Grade C This guy got screwed, but is doing his best to field a serviceable team each week, which is commendable.
12. CAPTAIN MORGAN MEN 1-6 Far and away the worst team in this league. For more info, read the season preview. Again. Sorry HRD, but I was dead on here.
Preseason prediction: 12 (wow, huh?)
Preseason sleeper: Darren Sproles. Not sure why San Diego, which is German for "a whale's vagina", wouldn't just sit LT down for a couple of weeks to get healthy. You are not losing much by having Sproles out there.
Grade A+ BEST....AVITARS....EVER.
There you have it. Good luck to all in the 2nd half of the season. And if you don't like what i have to say, feel free to blow it out your ass. As usual. Peace!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Club Sub Member Profile of the Month: HRD
Well, it's been quite a sabbatical for the Member Profiler (har!). I wrote a book, fathered a kid, dreamed of 3-way sex with Chasey Lain and Jenna Jameson (and myself), and reinvented my Fantasy Football teams.
But we're back, because there is new blood to talk about. This month we are talking with the Human Rain Delay, aka The Mailman, aka Captain Colon. It's not every day that someone can have 12 different personalities and not be considered deranged. But therein lies the mystery and stigma of this man- his personality is directly tied to the amount of cocktails he has consumed.
A probationary CS member, HRD has disgusted, appalled, fascinated, intrigued, entertained, loved, and verbally abused every member of Club Sub, often at the same time. His poker games are legendary. His poker skills are not.
He is the proud owner of a really terrible Fantasy Football franchise, dubbed "The Captain Morgan Men". What kind of name for a team is that? Was "The Cockjockeys" taken? Might as well have called them "The Midori Sours".
We bought him a Captain and Diet to more effectively pick his brain.
ClubSub: How does it feel to be a probationary member of Club Sub?
Human Rain Delay: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And does the affiliation with this fine organization affect your standing in social circles?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Any news on whether or not you will ever be a full-fledged member?
HRD: Bitches!
CS: Gotcha. Let's talk about the....Sir, wake up...Sir? SIR?!?!
HRD: (groggy) sadglgewhhcmmmm ....ttsppp .....boobs.... Cowboys.... Yankees.... fhffhhghfhfhgh.... Whoa! hooollleee ss.... 17 dollars? whatatehgshkdf.....
CS: (to HRD's assistant) Maybe we should do this another time...
HRD: (waking up) Negative, sir. I have not yet had the opportunity to refute your argument. In Parliamentary circles, I am awarded the privilege of a counterpoint. I find your perception, while certainly not without its merits, to be specious and incendiary, and I demand the courtesy of a rebutt.
CS: Wow...OK, fire away.
HRD: You're a fuckin homo. Get me a drink.
CS: What would being a full-fledged member of Club Sub mean to you?
HRD: It would mean....It would mean..EVERYTHING to me...I never had....I mean, I've had some friends, but never....I would be accepted, you know? To be a part of something so big, and so, new, and....It would just mean the world to me. It really would.
CS: That's beautiful. I never had any idea you were this insightful.
HRD: Well, you're a douche.
CS: Touche'. At any rate, do you have anything to say to DaPrez, who holds your Club Sub fate in his hands?
HRD: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And would you like to say anything to the other members, who hold much more influence than you think over DaPrez?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Now let's talk about the Yankees. Clearly a shell of their former self, do you think...
HRD: This interview is over, Bitches! (Flips Mud's poker table over)
But we're back, because there is new blood to talk about. This month we are talking with the Human Rain Delay, aka The Mailman, aka Captain Colon. It's not every day that someone can have 12 different personalities and not be considered deranged. But therein lies the mystery and stigma of this man- his personality is directly tied to the amount of cocktails he has consumed.
A probationary CS member, HRD has disgusted, appalled, fascinated, intrigued, entertained, loved, and verbally abused every member of Club Sub, often at the same time. His poker games are legendary. His poker skills are not.
He is the proud owner of a really terrible Fantasy Football franchise, dubbed "The Captain Morgan Men". What kind of name for a team is that? Was "The Cockjockeys" taken? Might as well have called them "The Midori Sours".
We bought him a Captain and Diet to more effectively pick his brain.
ClubSub: How does it feel to be a probationary member of Club Sub?
Human Rain Delay: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And does the affiliation with this fine organization affect your standing in social circles?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Any news on whether or not you will ever be a full-fledged member?
HRD: Bitches!
CS: Gotcha. Let's talk about the....Sir, wake up...Sir? SIR?!?!
HRD: (groggy) sadglgewhhcmmmm ....ttsppp .....boobs.... Cowboys.... Yankees.... fhffhhghfhfhgh.... Whoa! hooollleee ss.... 17 dollars? whatatehgshkdf.....
CS: (to HRD's assistant) Maybe we should do this another time...
HRD: (waking up) Negative, sir. I have not yet had the opportunity to refute your argument. In Parliamentary circles, I am awarded the privilege of a counterpoint. I find your perception, while certainly not without its merits, to be specious and incendiary, and I demand the courtesy of a rebutt.
CS: Wow...OK, fire away.
HRD: You're a fuckin homo. Get me a drink.
CS: What would being a full-fledged member of Club Sub mean to you?
HRD: It would mean....It would mean..EVERYTHING to me...I never had....I mean, I've had some friends, but never....I would be accepted, you know? To be a part of something so big, and so, new, and....It would just mean the world to me. It really would.
CS: That's beautiful. I never had any idea you were this insightful.
HRD: Well, you're a douche.
CS: Touche'. At any rate, do you have anything to say to DaPrez, who holds your Club Sub fate in his hands?
HRD: Dildo!
CS: Uh-huh. And would you like to say anything to the other members, who hold much more influence than you think over DaPrez?
HRD: Go fuck your face!
CS: I see. Now let's talk about the Yankees. Clearly a shell of their former self, do you think...
HRD: This interview is over, Bitches! (Flips Mud's poker table over)
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Mud's 1st Annual Club Sub Fantasy Football Preview
Well, it's that time of year again, folks....The NFL season is upon us, which means that the Club Sub Fantasy Football League gets under way. I have decided that a preview is in order.
Here's Mud's take on the clubs. Remember, this is not my opinion- this is FACT, baby.
In alphabetical order....
CAPTAIN MORGAN MEN: Kept Torry Holt. Seriously, what else do you need to know? Oh, here's what else- his starting running backs are all backups (except for Maroney, who will be a backup by week 6). Strong receiving corps, with the exception of Javon Walker, who can't drink too much water without sprouting a leak due to the 412 stab wounds he suffered in Vegas. Oh, and as recently as a week ago he was seriously considering retirement.
Projected finish: 12th.
Sleeper: Darren Sproles. This choice almost got this probationary member kicked out of Club Sub. Look for big things from Sproles, especially when LaDanian Tomlinson gets benched by week 2.
Question mark: Will the guy who stabbed Javon Walker finish the job this year?
Club Sub Convicts: His week 1 starting lineup has first names of Donovan, Willis, LenDale, Marques, Jerricho, and Santana. And to round it out, Brandon, Nate, and Tony. Couple that with the fact that he can't stay off the bowl for more than 2 hours at a time and we see a rough year for the commish. However, I'm sure that he will bend the rules in his favor somehow as he does every year.
Projected Finish: 10th
Sleeper: Ted Ginn Jr. Is this guy a wideout or a partner in a law firm? I think a wideout. But seriously, drop the "Jr.". No one knows who "Ted Ginn Sr." is.
Question mark: Will the "roast the commish" feature each week spell doom?
DaPrez: Oh, boy- where do we start? LaDanian Tomlinson is due for a gruesome injury. Jamal Lewis is 62 years old, and has the emotional baggage of having been someone's bitch when he was in the joint. Ronnie Brown had his leg surgically reattached. And a potential savior, like Darren Sproles, is nowhere to be found. The glory days are over for DaPrez's administration. I don't see him defending this year.
Projected Finish: 7th
Sleeper: Jonathan Stewart. This guy is gonna be GOOOOD.
Question Mark: Tim Hightower could be a good one, but I don't think he'll perform well without Tacklebury, Mahoney, and Hooks.
Del's Destroyers: The strategy of not drafting a reasonable quarterback will sting. Ryan Grant will not get it done this year- not without a reliable passing game, and Aaron Rodgers didn't even get drafted. Also, he starts Greg Jennings...A shrewd move, considering that Green Bay's offense will suck this year. Seriously, was Del even at the draft, or was it the computer?
Projected Finish: 9th.
Sleeper: Ricky Williams: If he can stay off the herb, he could be a super pick. Or he could fall off the wagon and end up smoked out and eating Hostess cupcakes for 3 moths straight.
Question mark: How long before Willie Parker gets benched in favor of Rashard Mendenhall?
fat twins on bikes: Potential, potential, potential. This team could be dominant this year. Or they could suck out the joint. On paper, they are tops-good QBs, good RBs, decent wideouts. In reality, well, we'll see. This team's biggest issue is its owner.
Projected Finish: 2nd.
Sleeper: Rashard Mendenhall. Could end up the starter. Could end up fumbling one of his major organs away and dying. Only the Lord knows.
Question Mark: How long before this team gets ruined by a dubious trade?
Hot Corner: The combined age of his 3 satrting wideouts is 96 years old. Alge Crumpler's best days are behind him. The Pats D ain't what it used to be. And Marshawn Lynch could be going away for vehicular homicide. These, my friends, are not good things.
Projected Finish: 11th.
Sleeper: Thomas Jones. This guy is in line to have a big year with Favre in the backfield.
Question Mark: Who will he keep at the end of the year? His entire roster may be retiring.
The Battle of Jutland: All hail sweet youth! This team has the potential to go worst-to-first. This owner, clearly on a different intellectual plane from all of the other owners, fomented a revolution of youth that will hold this league in its clutches for the next 2 years. Or could render him into the basement yet again. A rigged draft lottery could spell doom.
Projected Finish: 1st.
Sleeper: All of them- Matt Forte, Kevin Smith, DeSean Jackson- Seriously.
Question Mark: The only thing that can stop this team is commissioner intervention, which is probably what will happen in. This league is as corrupt as the Teamsters in 1972.
The Clapp: An outstanding draft for the new guy, who really didn't have too much to work with. Truly made lemonade out of lemons. Palmer, Johnson, and Westbrook should be enough to alone carry this team into the playoffs. However, when Larry Johnson's legs fall off in week 7 and Brian Westbrook's Social Security kicks in, Clapp could be shit out of luck. But we think that this team can hold together and earn a playoff spot.
Projected Finish: 4th.
Sleeper: Matt Ryan. This guys is just what's needed at the QB position in ATL- a non-felon.
Question Mark: Rookie owner. Could potentially screw up his own team.
Fighting Amish: Solid core- goodQB, good RBs, decent wideouts. This all means nothing, as the players on this team are FRAGILE. Derek Anderson still sees double. Marvin Harrison has the left knee of a cadaver. Marion Barber gets his ass kicked every week. All of this adds up to a non-playoff berth for the contradictory pacifists.
Projected Finish: 8th.
Sleeper: Donnie Avery. First receiver chosen in last year's draft. Could end up like Hart Lee Dykes, though- shot at Shalimar.
Question Mark: Non Club Sub member. Karma's not on his side.
The Schemers: Looking at this team's Week 1 lineup...Things are not good. There's more Red Crosses here than in New Orleans 3 years ago. However, remove that factor and this team looks pretty good on paper. On paper.
Projected Finish: 5th.
Sleeper: Eddie Royal. Word on the street is that this guy has some skillz. That's right, skillz with a z.
Question Mark: Will a scathing roast of the commish result is some sort of score-tampering? I think so.
The Ward Boys: Well, well, well....Let's see how Adrian Peterson holds up...he was injured for a substantial amount of his college career....Big questions at receiver, other than Fitzie. Also, Darren McFadden has "bust" written all over him when teams realize that JaMarcus Russell isn't beating anybody and key on the run. Don't see this team making the playoffs. Also, minority owner That Guy is making a power move in the front office, so we suspect managerial discord for a team that thrives on unity.
Projected Finish: 6th.
Sleeper: Pierre Thomas. It's high time someone named "Pierre" made noise in the NFL.
Question Mark: Is Donald Driver all done? Stick a fork in that guy. That's what we think.
The Warriors: This team will sneak into the playoffs (as usual) and get smoked in the first round (as usual). We think that this team will rely too much on an Indianapolis offense that is not young anymore and is banged up (don't underestimate how much they will miss Jeff Saturday). However, they are STRONG at RB, which is half the battle in this league. That alone is enough to get them into the playoffs.
Projected Finish: 3rd
Sleeper: Felix Jones. I love the name "Felix". Love it, love it, LOVE IT.
Question Mark: Ownership has historically placed entirely too much stress on itself and panicked itself into moves that, in hindsight, sucked. Can ownership keep from going Mariah Carey and ENJOY this for what it's worth?
So there you have it folks. Good luck to all this season, and long live Club Sub.
And if you don't like anything I had to say here, feel free to blow it out your ass, as usual.
Mud out.
Here's Mud's take on the clubs. Remember, this is not my opinion- this is FACT, baby.
In alphabetical order....
CAPTAIN MORGAN MEN: Kept Torry Holt. Seriously, what else do you need to know? Oh, here's what else- his starting running backs are all backups (except for Maroney, who will be a backup by week 6). Strong receiving corps, with the exception of Javon Walker, who can't drink too much water without sprouting a leak due to the 412 stab wounds he suffered in Vegas. Oh, and as recently as a week ago he was seriously considering retirement.
Projected finish: 12th.
Sleeper: Darren Sproles. This choice almost got this probationary member kicked out of Club Sub. Look for big things from Sproles, especially when LaDanian Tomlinson gets benched by week 2.
Question mark: Will the guy who stabbed Javon Walker finish the job this year?
Club Sub Convicts: His week 1 starting lineup has first names of Donovan, Willis, LenDale, Marques, Jerricho, and Santana. And to round it out, Brandon, Nate, and Tony. Couple that with the fact that he can't stay off the bowl for more than 2 hours at a time and we see a rough year for the commish. However, I'm sure that he will bend the rules in his favor somehow as he does every year.
Projected Finish: 10th
Sleeper: Ted Ginn Jr. Is this guy a wideout or a partner in a law firm? I think a wideout. But seriously, drop the "Jr.". No one knows who "Ted Ginn Sr." is.
Question mark: Will the "roast the commish" feature each week spell doom?
DaPrez: Oh, boy- where do we start? LaDanian Tomlinson is due for a gruesome injury. Jamal Lewis is 62 years old, and has the emotional baggage of having been someone's bitch when he was in the joint. Ronnie Brown had his leg surgically reattached. And a potential savior, like Darren Sproles, is nowhere to be found. The glory days are over for DaPrez's administration. I don't see him defending this year.
Projected Finish: 7th
Sleeper: Jonathan Stewart. This guy is gonna be GOOOOD.
Question Mark: Tim Hightower could be a good one, but I don't think he'll perform well without Tacklebury, Mahoney, and Hooks.
Del's Destroyers: The strategy of not drafting a reasonable quarterback will sting. Ryan Grant will not get it done this year- not without a reliable passing game, and Aaron Rodgers didn't even get drafted. Also, he starts Greg Jennings...A shrewd move, considering that Green Bay's offense will suck this year. Seriously, was Del even at the draft, or was it the computer?
Projected Finish: 9th.
Sleeper: Ricky Williams: If he can stay off the herb, he could be a super pick. Or he could fall off the wagon and end up smoked out and eating Hostess cupcakes for 3 moths straight.
Question mark: How long before Willie Parker gets benched in favor of Rashard Mendenhall?
fat twins on bikes: Potential, potential, potential. This team could be dominant this year. Or they could suck out the joint. On paper, they are tops-good QBs, good RBs, decent wideouts. In reality, well, we'll see. This team's biggest issue is its owner.
Projected Finish: 2nd.
Sleeper: Rashard Mendenhall. Could end up the starter. Could end up fumbling one of his major organs away and dying. Only the Lord knows.
Question Mark: How long before this team gets ruined by a dubious trade?
Hot Corner: The combined age of his 3 satrting wideouts is 96 years old. Alge Crumpler's best days are behind him. The Pats D ain't what it used to be. And Marshawn Lynch could be going away for vehicular homicide. These, my friends, are not good things.
Projected Finish: 11th.
Sleeper: Thomas Jones. This guy is in line to have a big year with Favre in the backfield.
Question Mark: Who will he keep at the end of the year? His entire roster may be retiring.
The Battle of Jutland: All hail sweet youth! This team has the potential to go worst-to-first. This owner, clearly on a different intellectual plane from all of the other owners, fomented a revolution of youth that will hold this league in its clutches for the next 2 years. Or could render him into the basement yet again. A rigged draft lottery could spell doom.
Projected Finish: 1st.
Sleeper: All of them- Matt Forte, Kevin Smith, DeSean Jackson- Seriously.
Question Mark: The only thing that can stop this team is commissioner intervention, which is probably what will happen in. This league is as corrupt as the Teamsters in 1972.
The Clapp: An outstanding draft for the new guy, who really didn't have too much to work with. Truly made lemonade out of lemons. Palmer, Johnson, and Westbrook should be enough to alone carry this team into the playoffs. However, when Larry Johnson's legs fall off in week 7 and Brian Westbrook's Social Security kicks in, Clapp could be shit out of luck. But we think that this team can hold together and earn a playoff spot.
Projected Finish: 4th.
Sleeper: Matt Ryan. This guys is just what's needed at the QB position in ATL- a non-felon.
Question Mark: Rookie owner. Could potentially screw up his own team.
Fighting Amish: Solid core- goodQB, good RBs, decent wideouts. This all means nothing, as the players on this team are FRAGILE. Derek Anderson still sees double. Marvin Harrison has the left knee of a cadaver. Marion Barber gets his ass kicked every week. All of this adds up to a non-playoff berth for the contradictory pacifists.
Projected Finish: 8th.
Sleeper: Donnie Avery. First receiver chosen in last year's draft. Could end up like Hart Lee Dykes, though- shot at Shalimar.
Question Mark: Non Club Sub member. Karma's not on his side.
The Schemers: Looking at this team's Week 1 lineup...Things are not good. There's more Red Crosses here than in New Orleans 3 years ago. However, remove that factor and this team looks pretty good on paper. On paper.
Projected Finish: 5th.
Sleeper: Eddie Royal. Word on the street is that this guy has some skillz. That's right, skillz with a z.
Question Mark: Will a scathing roast of the commish result is some sort of score-tampering? I think so.
The Ward Boys: Well, well, well....Let's see how Adrian Peterson holds up...he was injured for a substantial amount of his college career....Big questions at receiver, other than Fitzie. Also, Darren McFadden has "bust" written all over him when teams realize that JaMarcus Russell isn't beating anybody and key on the run. Don't see this team making the playoffs. Also, minority owner That Guy is making a power move in the front office, so we suspect managerial discord for a team that thrives on unity.
Projected Finish: 6th.
Sleeper: Pierre Thomas. It's high time someone named "Pierre" made noise in the NFL.
Question Mark: Is Donald Driver all done? Stick a fork in that guy. That's what we think.
The Warriors: This team will sneak into the playoffs (as usual) and get smoked in the first round (as usual). We think that this team will rely too much on an Indianapolis offense that is not young anymore and is banged up (don't underestimate how much they will miss Jeff Saturday). However, they are STRONG at RB, which is half the battle in this league. That alone is enough to get them into the playoffs.
Projected Finish: 3rd
Sleeper: Felix Jones. I love the name "Felix". Love it, love it, LOVE IT.
Question Mark: Ownership has historically placed entirely too much stress on itself and panicked itself into moves that, in hindsight, sucked. Can ownership keep from going Mariah Carey and ENJOY this for what it's worth?
So there you have it folks. Good luck to all this season, and long live Club Sub.
And if you don't like anything I had to say here, feel free to blow it out your ass, as usual.
Mud out.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Club Sub Begins Minor League system: Here's our #1 Prospect
5-Year-Old Leaves Day Care, Goes to Hooters
DENTON, Texas -- Denton police say a child was able to sneak out of his day-care center without anyone noticing and take a perilous walk that ended at a Hooters restaurant.
The 5-year-old boy reportedly walked out of the Imagination Station day care in the 2300 block of San Jacinto Boulevard on Tuesday afternoon.
Police said he walked a long way in 100-degree heat crossing at least two busy streets.
He went to a Pep Boys, where he swiped some gum, according to a store worker. The boy then hiked to a RaceTrac gas station where he stole a soda, according to investigators.
His walk then led to a Hooters restaurant where employees gave him a coloring book and soda pop to drink and called police.
The child was not hurt and he was released to his father.
Imagination Station would not comment on the situation.
According to the Department of Family and Protective Services, the day care has had several violations including one in April in which inspectors determined that staff was not properly supervising the children.
The state agency is now investigating this case.
The 5-year-old boy reportedly walked out of the Imagination Station day care in the 2300 block of San Jacinto Boulevard on Tuesday afternoon.
Police said he walked a long way in 100-degree heat crossing at least two busy streets.
He went to a Pep Boys, where he swiped some gum, according to a store worker. The boy then hiked to a RaceTrac gas station where he stole a soda, according to investigators.
His walk then led to a Hooters restaurant where employees gave him a coloring book and soda pop to drink and called police.
The child was not hurt and he was released to his father.
Imagination Station would not comment on the situation.
According to the Department of Family and Protective Services, the day care has had several violations including one in April in which inspectors determined that staff was not properly supervising the children.
The state agency is now investigating this case.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
WTF????
Speak up
"The power couple is also responsible for inspiring so many other couples, including celebrity couples, to marry more than once. We are so happy to see so many people now choosing to marry multiple times, or renew their vows privately and publicly."
Ex-NBA player Doug Christie, who with wife Jackie, the self-proclaimed "power couple," were married for the 13th time July 8 in Seattle.
Club Sub asked the Christies if they were happy remarrying the same person so many times.
Doug replied, "It's the greatest thing I've ever done"
Seems to me that I've heard that before
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
"Similar to History's 2nd worst pitch: a muscle bound wrestler from Florida named simply: "Gunderwood"
Hey Nice Car, Gunderwood!!!!!!!!
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